Managing better now....looking forward to a break again

Last week has been a very stressful week...not really due to increased workload, but just a crisis I'm facing about my career. I have a very strong desire to resign and lobo for awhile, yet can't find the motivation to quit. Strange isn't it? A part of me is yearning for change, while the other is resisting to change.

When I had my headache last week, I guessed it might have been due to stress...when I went to see the doc, she told me that my unexplained rashes could have been signs of stress too. There and then, I was determined to send in my resignation. But when I was back at work, things changed again and I am soldiering on now...

I realised that I have begun to have an expectation of Hubby to support me, and that marriage gives me an entitlement to resign at my wish...perhaps it's also the first time I realised that I'm no longer working for myself but for my family. I believe this is what has been holding me back from making a rash decision. I also silently asked myself several times if I'm willing to forgo the financial comfort we have now by giving up my pay...to my surprise, I'm not. All along, I thought I would do anything to stop working.

Perhaps it's this dichotomy within me that has been causing me all these emotional ups and downs....ok, mainly downs. Have thought of switching a job, did a job search, but ended up realising that I don't fit anywhere else. I'm not willing to subject myself to the same stress at a new place, but yet no one would hire me to do what I want...simple admin/no brainer job/maybe cashier etc. And again, I'm not ready to part with my pay after all...Isn't there any job in this world that the stress level is inversely proportionate to the pay?

So nothing's changed so far...except that I've given my dear hubby alot of stressful times and threats about resigning. Yes, we can get by with just his pay, but no more enjoyment lor...maybe it's time to look for other motivating factors to keep me going.

In the meantime, looking forward to yet another break...church camp! It's the first time I'm going since I joined GA. Not sure what to expect...but just welcoming the break :)