Thanksgiving for 2007

2007 has been yet another wonderful year. Just a post to recount the major blessings God has given to me this year:

January:Thanking God for a wonderful weather during our wedding photo shoot.

February: Thank God for giving us our Holland home during the HDB Walk-in selection.

March: Thank God for our keys to our Holland home! And thank God for seeing hubby's mom through her surgery safely.

April: Thank God for blessing our renovations and shopping for things for our home and wedding needs.

May: Thank God for a wonderful wedding. Thank God for a enjoyable and luxurious honeymoon. Thank for for our blessed union. Thank God for hubby's new job.

June: Thank God for the various gatherings with friends and family during our housewarming.

July: Thank God for my promotion and pay raise.

August: Thank God for starting our young adults cell group at our home.

September: Thank God for a good family trip up to Penang and KL paid by Dad!

October: Thank God for a good birthday celebration with family and hubby.

November: Thank God strength in facing my new challenge at work.

December: Thank God for yet another promotion at work. Thank God for a good celebration of Hubby's birthday. Thank God for a fun and heartwarming Christmas celebration at church. Thank God for Christmas!

And thank God for all the little blessings He has showered on me each and everyday of my life.

Looking forward to a blessed, God-led, victorious and exciting 2008!

Feel so free!

I feel so free!

Finally, after a week of struggling, I've completed my dept budget and plans for next FY!! It was tougher than I thought...2 depts merge into 1, and we've got a new accounts manager so the format is not the same as last year, plus it's my first time doing it! Couldn't really follow exactly the format my ex-boss left me...but still it was a great help.

Feel so mentally drained now....feel so hardworking lately...haha...bringing work home to do and all. Just so busy at work sometimes that I can't find time to do paperwork at all...

But still, complains aside....thank God for His blessings and opening up this door for me!

Now, I'm looking forward to an extended weekend to celebrate my dearest hubby's birthday! Won't be back in office till next Wed...shiok!

Stressed out....

That is what most aptly describes me now!

Was sick since the Deepavali PH all the way till monday, so I had a 5 day long break. I'm thinking if it's all psychosomatic because I'm feeling stressed. Lately, thoughts of quitting kept swimming in my head. Guess I'm trying to escape again...

Did I make the right decision about my work? What if I don't do the job well? I'm beginning to dread going to work...but I've just made a commitment. I could back out now since things are not finalised yet, but I guess that won't be fair.

Been feeling so disorganized and so out of touch with so many things! Just hope this phase will pass quickly...and what's worse is that in times like these, I feel the least like praying when I really need it most!

Really wish I could just run away from it all, but guess I can't. The good thing though is that I did have a good and enjoyable time at home yesterday and I found a song which spoke to me and I know God is telling me to go on...rely on Him and not me and walk this road by faith.

Had this song on my playlist all this while, but never found it so beautiful before:

祷告 因为我渺小

祷告 因为我知道我需要

明了 祢心意对我重要

*

祷告 已假装不了

祷告 因为祢的爱我需要

祢关怀 我走过的祢都明白

*

有些事我只想要对祢说

因祢比任何人都爱我

痛苦从眼中流下

我知道祢为我擦

*

在早晨我也要来对祢说

主耶稣今天我为祢活

所需要的力量祢天天赐给我

祢恩典够我用

~

I feel that's the most beautiful song I've heard since a long time...

Updates

I've been quite intrigued by Facebook recently that I've neglected blogging...haha! But facebook's really cool...found so many of my school days friends! When I came back this morning to take a look at blogger once again, realised that it wasn't so long ago that I had blogged....just 20 days ago.

Recently there's been some major changes at work, and some major impending changes...I've finally decided to take up the challenge posted before me. Really relying on God's strength to do this task!

Looking forward, I'm glad my study loan is coming to end! As it's near it's tail end, I've decided to dump my year end bonus into clearing it fully! Then I'll be official debt free! For my personal debts only lah....good also cos I can pay off more of the other loans we've incurred since we got married.

Actually my life feel like it's in a whirlpool now, so many changes which makes it so exciting! For now, I'm not so willing to try to think or imagine what it would be like...just take things as they come.

Pardon my vagueness in this post....will reveal more details when the time is ripe!

New things....

Been given a huge new responsibility at work....and it's really making me stressed out. Not sure if I'm up to it at the moment. Presently, I've been in denial...doing anything and everything except work that's needed to facilitate my undertaking of this new role.

I realised that it is my style of coping...I take flight when I'm stressed, avoiding the issue, not willing to face it. But of course I'll give myself credit for still facing it eventually. I'm not exactly the irresponsible sort of person. In fact, I think I'm quite a 'never-say-die' kind of person.

I'll just need time and space to retreat into my own little world to work through my stress and anxieties first before I'm ready to step out again.

I just dislike the beginning phase when I'm still struggling and learning...how I wish it will fast forward to the point where I'm already adapt at the task...then I'll feel more confident and less stressed...I'm now that the worst stage: anticipating for the thing to happen, for the moment to start when I'm beginning this new task. Maybe after that moment, things will start getting better...hopefully...

On a lighter note, I've been attending a crash course on sign language. It's conducted in-house and company paid for it. So one of my wish from long ago has finally been fulfilled. And I'm enjoy my lessons tremendously! I love learning new languages :)

And yes, I haven't updated about my Penang/KL trip...it was a blast!! The quantity and quality fo the food we ate there thanks to the great hospitality of my Malaysian relatives were more than enough to make me gain 100 kilos! Ok, that's a bit too far fetched, but I really put on weight after my trip ok! The food was simply out of this world lah...my brother called it "god-like". Don't believe? Go to Penang and you'll see what I mean..

For now, i'm dingdong-ing between desperately trying to lose weight and trying to keep to my diet. I wanna lose enough weight so that when I get pregnant, I'll weight what I'm weighing now when I'm full term...experts have said that during pregnancy, a healthy weight gain should be 10-12 kilos...so I need to lose this much first before I plan for a baby! Gambatte!

Murphy's Law at play...or the Devil's little schemes!

3 days before the Penang/KL trip with my family, I have this nagging headache that does not go away.

2 days before my trip I was informed that immediately the week after I'm back, there is going to be an audit.

1 day before the trip my mother-in-law has a serious fall and is admitted to hospital, AND the TV in my parent's home blew!

On the day I'm leaving a client tells me she has no place to stay by coming Tuesday (I will be in KL then), and I find out another client hasn't been totally truthful!

Coincidence? or foul play?

You could call it Murphy's Law...I call it the Devil's schemes!!

It's scary how people change...

It's really scary how people can change so much, how selfish a person can be.

Had a talk with a family member last night about some issues and struggles he was facing, which left me realizing how inconsistent mankind can be. Because of material gains, friends can turn against each other, betray each other's trust, become bitter enemies. As christians, we are not supposed to be enemies with our fellow mankind, we forgive and let go of the hate and anger. But sometimes, after the forgiveness, the friendship may still be lost. Some hurts are just too deep for reconciliation. We could remain "hi/bye" friends but may forever lose the strong bond we used to share.

It makes me realise how fragile a relationship can be, be it romantic or platonic. Even as platonic friends, for a friendship to really last long, there needs to be giving of yourself, putting the other party first and being considerate of the other party. If a friendship is just based on your own needs, it's very difficult to maintain it.

Sometimes, even kinship are severed when a family member becomes very self-centred and will pay any price to get things done his way. But you can never sever blood ties...no matter what, how can you suddenly not become a parent, child or sibling? But for friends, thats a different thing, friendship can be severed.

I just find it saddening to find that friendships that used to be strong is broken down because of material gains. But beyond the material gains lies the real reason...selfishness, to gain for yourself at your friend's expense.

It's really sad for things to come to this state...no wonder God gave us the commandment to love our neighbour as ourselves. God knew the wickedness of our hearts and had given us the solution long long ago. Such is God's wisdom, in man's eyes it may seem stupid not to fight for your own gains first, but God wanted to spare us from the heartaches and losses that results in our selfish actions.

We really ought to love one another as Christ loves us.

Patience

It's really a test of my patience these days...working with some who are not easy to work with. At times I wonder why they behave the way they do...Work ethics which I have taken for granted are lacking. I used the think that as working person, you have to have a certain sense of responsibilty and accountability, and willing to take on work as assigned by the bosses. But somehow this quality is lacking...but yet the social worker self is trained to look at the positive most of the time, and I find myself struggling to confront the negative.

"Give one more chance" somehow always ends up as my modus operandi. When I want to confront, when I plan to confront, it always comes out as encouragement and affirmations of what was done well. Am I avoiding the unpleasant issues? Or have I done right to motivate and encourage? I really don't know.

Just hope things become better as the days go by...maybe I should learn to confront more!

Thanksgiving for our Home

Was talking to hubby 2 days back about our Holland Ave home. He suggested that I ought to blog about giving thanks for our flat...so here goes!!

The Beginning...
We begun our house hunt as early as Feb 05, where we starting looking out for flats that HDB are releasing under their WIS or Balloting scheme. We registered for the first time for the new Toa Payoh flat. Together with hubby's ex-colleague, we went to take a look at the sample unit and hubby and I decided that we didn't want that series of flats cos the flat, especially the kitchen was simply too small!

The Hunting Journey...
After the Toa Payoh Balloting exercise, we sort of kick started our house hunting. Our first choice when we first started looking at resale flats was Holland Village area. We were encouraged by a friend's testimony that her sister got a unit there at a very good price because the seller was in a hurry to sell the flat as the family was going overseas. So we hoped that we would be 'lucky' enough to meet a buyer like that!

We looked up a few property agencies and called up to enquired on a few ads, but found that resale units at Holland area were just beyond our reach financially!! Then we started to look at other areas like Clementi, Jurong and Bukit Batok. They were relatively cheaper. We wanted to try to get the new units at Bukit Batok which are right next to West Mall, but they were not for sale yet as they were not five years old yet.

From Feb 05 to the end of the year, we kept looking in our free time, but not really investing alot of time and attention on it. Then we got engaged on 12th May 06, and that's when we started to look at flats more seriously.

The first set-back...
After our engagement, somewhere in August 06, the balloting exercise for the Redhill new units were on. We were really excited as it seems like an ideal location! Not too far from my folks and it's also convenient for Hun's parents to come by car. We went for the balloting under the blessings of both sets of parents. And we placed alot of hopes on the balloting exercise as at that time we were sure that we were gonna get a unit there.

Everyday when I passed by Redhill in the MRT, I would whisper a prayer thanking God for blessing us with a unit there in advance. It was a long and torturous wait from August to October when they released the results. And the verdict.....we were not successful!! That was a really bitter pill to swallow!!

We were really disappointed for a day or two but quickly moved on back to looking at resale flats.

The search continues...
By October, after knowing that we failed the balloting, we decided to just concentrate on resale flats as it was unlikely that any more new flats in the regions that we wanted would be up for balloting or WIS. We started looking at newspaper ads more seriously and urgently. We were thinking that we need to get a unit by end of the year or early '07 as our wedding date was set on 5th May 07!

After viewing a few units on our own, we decided to engage my uncle to be our housing agent to help us look for units. We viewed quite a number of units in the Bukit Batok and Clementi area...and went through lots of rounds of considering and re-considering if we wanted the flats. There were a few that we liked, but the price was too unaffordable. And for those we couldn't afford, it wasn't perfect for us.

At that time, we didn't even consider Holland area anymore as we knew that the cash over value is going to be too much for us to afford. Towards Christmas and the New Year, we still have not yet managed to find a suitable unit and by then we wer already considering bunking in with our parents until our flat was ready!

The Breakthrough...
We took a short break from viewing units in end January due to the Chinese New Year season, and planned to continue in February.

On 31 Jan, I received a call from my aunt to tell me that there was likely to be a WIS exercise and its likely to be in mature estates as there was already a long queue formed outside HDB Hub. I asked her if she new what the queue was for exactly, but she was not sure. But she was called back to office the next day to report early for work. It was then that she would know what the exercise was for. I told her that I wouldn't go to queue overnight because I was not willing to spend my night there queueing for something which I don't know about!

Early next day, my aunt called me early in the morning to tell me that the news is out! It was confirmed that it was the WIS exercise for mature estates which included the area that we wanted!! Redhill and Clementi! She told me to get there quick because the exercise was going to start at 8am.

I called hubby immediately and we both rushed down and and reached at 8am. I reached about 5mins before Hun and queued to get the WIS queue number. I got my Q number at about 8am and to my horror, it was 496!! And there were only 500+ units for sale in total which consisted of areas all over Singapore.

We looked at the booklet provided and saw a few units that we were keen on in the Redhill area, the same place that we failed in our balloting in August 06! Our appointment for selection was on the 4th day of the exercise at 8:30am in the morning. After we got the package and our appointment date, we sat down at the lobby area and started to short-list the units that we were keen on.

Over the next few days, Hun's dad drove us around to look at the physical units of the estates we've selected. By looking at them, we were able to further short-list which units we wanted exactly.

Then come monday, 5 Feb 07, while in office, I kept logged on to the HDB InfoWeb and tracked the progress of the selected units. By the end of the first day, we were very discourage, as most of the flats we have selected were already taken, or had the ethnic quota filled. More units that we wanted were taken on the second and third day. By the end of the third day, we were down to only 5 units...out of which, we really only wanted the Holland Ave one, and it was our first choice out of what was left!

The final hurdle!
So it was finally 8 Feb 07, our date of selection of the unit. Although our appointment was quite early in the morning, we were aware that now that all the Redhill units have been snapped up, Holland was also quite a popular choice. Finally the red light flashing our Q number lighted and we proceeded excitedly into the sales office. When we sat down, the officer in charge took all our documents and started registration. We told her our choice unit. And she said that the previous Q number has not selected yet so we had to wait for them. They were also selecting the Holland unit!! Our hearts thumped really fast!! After a minute or so, the officer told us that the previous buyer decided against the unit the last minute upon hearing that it was an old unit.

WE GOT THE FLAT!! Praise the Lord!! After signing all the documents, we left the place feeling so surreal...after so many months of search, we finally got our flat! And it was where we had originally wanted when we started looking 1 year ago. GOD IS GOOD!!

After we successfully booked the unit, we saw that another officer attending to another couple not too far behind us saying,"The unit taken already ah?" The other couple also wanted the unit...that was how HOT it was after all the Redhill ones were gone!

More blessings to come...
After we got the unit, we were allowed to look at the interior and then decide whether we really want it or just forfeit the booking fee. When we stepped inside, we were pleasantly surprised that the unit was nice renovated by the previous owner. The cornices were nicely done up, the rooms were parquet flooring, the entire kitchen along with it's bathroom and toilet had just been upgraded by HDB. All we had to do was really minimal renovations!

All in all, we spent about $17,000 on renovations. And our home was given a brand new look! Also, we learned that the circle line was to be up by 2010, and the interchange for circle and EW line was to be at Buona Vista station, just 5mins away from our home!!

A testimony of God's provision and grace...
After we got our flat, all that we knew, friends and relatives were amazed at how blessed we were. Firstly to have managed to get a Holland unit, secondly to get it at such a cheap price because we didn't need to pay any cash over value (that instantly saved us as much as $30,000!), and thirdly at how little renovation work we did!

2 years before we even got our home, we prayed that God will bless us with a home that we will love, our parents will love and everyone will see His power and glory at work. And He will also give us the financial resources to own it and maintain it.

And we know this home is really a gift from God because He has answered every detail of the prayer we made 2 years ago. Now after living in it for 4 months, Hubby and I can truly say that this is the best unit for us...we love the convenience, we love the neighbourhood, we love the location, and we really couldn't imagine anything better!

To God be the glory!!

Baby Talk...

Last week Hubby and I were talking about planning for a baby. Honestly I didn't realised how much thought we have to put in before deciding to have one.

Firstly, the issue of work: Do I stop working to be a full time mommy? work part time? still continue working full time? Of course if you ask me, I definitely prefer to be a full time mom! At least for 2 and a half years till Baby Tan turns into Toddler Tan and can attend childcare. But if I were to stop work after Baby Tan is born, that would significantly affect our income. If I were to work part-time, would that be economical considering I'll need to find a PT nanny too? If I were to continue working full time, do we get a domestic helper? But what do I do with the domestic helper? Leave Baby Tan with her? Bring to my parents or hubby's parent's place? But we don't have a car!! So must buy car first??!! ARRGH....so many things to think about!

Next, transport: Do we need to get a car then? Is it wise to get a car while we're still servicing other loans? When do we get a car? When I get pregnant? After I give birth? Do we really really really need a car in the first place? If we do get a domestic helper, no car how to bring to parent's place?

Another issue, number of children and age gap: Presuming I stop work to take care of Baby Tan 1 till he/she's old enough for pre-school...then what if Baby Tan 2 comes along? I repeat the cycle and wait till No. 2 goes to play school? Then if Baby Tan 3 also come along, then how? I can just jolly well stop working till Baby Tan 3 goes primary school...by then I would have been out of the work force for 10 years!! Would I still wanna go back to work then?

Suddenly I realised why young couples are deciding not to have children...before you even "make" one, already so stressed out...maybe I should just not think so much and let nature take it's course...can't imagine being a mom...I think my grandma didn't need to think so much or have so much stress before having her first child...times have changed...being a full time housewife or mom is no longer the best option.

Still no answer now...if I get pregnant this instance, I guess I really wouldn't know what to do or what my next step is. Hubby wants me to work but he also knows the benefits of me not working...i think he's also undecided! haha...

Wait till the time comes then see how lor...

Also three and a half months

Was just reading my friend's blog where she mentioned that her baby was 3 and a half months old now. And I realised that my marriage is also 3 and a half months old! Feels like it's been a long long time though.

It's such a queer feeling...I don't know if newly weds out there feels the same way as I do. It feels like we've been married all this while. It's strange to have my own home now and when I go back to visit my parents, it feels strange to feel detached from my previous home. It doesn't feel like my home anymore but yet that's were I lived for the past 7 years or so.

When I see my dog, he's still very attached to me, but yet it feels strange to say goodbye to him everytime I leave my parent's place. I wonder how he sees me now? Am I still his favourite che che or am I just like any other guests who comes and goes? I wonder...

When I sleep at night, I wonder how it is like to have someone sleep beside for the rest of my life...it's a strange feeling. Seeing my husband as a husband now, but yet he was my boyfriend and fiance for the past 4 years. It's strange how I adapted to the change in status of girlfriend to fiancee much faster and better than from fiance to wife!

It's strange because marriage is nothing like what I had imagined it to be. Our courtship feels like a dream and a real-life historical event at the same time. Our marriage is reality but it still feels so dreamlike. It's just really strange.

Since the wedding, I get bouts of feelings of detachment from this world. There will be times at home or at work where I feel like as those I'm looking at my world through a crystal ball, where I'll be a spectator looking out from inside a crystal ball. Sometimes things don't seem real but I know it's reality that I'm living in. Sometimes I feel like I'm living a dream.

Is this the effects of adjustment to a new phase in life? Or am I just tired most of the time...and the lack to sleep causes this dreamy zombie mode I'm in? I'm not sure...haha...but it's just a strange and bizarre feeling I get sometimes.

Sometimes I wonder if it's must me...

2 similar people

Encountered 2 people who are similar and yet different. Both have the issues steming self-confidence or so it seems...

Both have trouble believing in themselves, which stops them from venturing into new and unsure things. On the surface, it seems like it's because they suffer from inferiority complex...but it soon becomes quite certain that perhaps its more than that, it's more complicated than it seems, yet very simple at the same time.

A few questions kept on running through my mind...why do they think that lowly of themselves?...Why is it that after encouragements and counselling they still think of it that way?...Isn't lots of positive feedback and affirmations the key to getting them started off?...Why is it that they just keep getting stuck at ground zero?

One question led to another...what if it isn't about self-confidence anymore? what if having no self-confidence was just a mask? what is the deeper issue then? When I thought even further, I concluded that perhaps it was unwillingness. But what made them unwilling?When i thought even deeper, I further concluded maybe it's simply laziness...and perhaps even self-centredness.

Being so used to be cared for and given the attention by others, it's no wonder one would not be willing to give up this luxury and start to achieve something by his/her own efforts. Laziness to put in effort and self-centredness to want everyone else to give in to him/her. But because laziness and self-centredness is often viewed as negative triats that is frowned upon socially, it is masked with "Low Self-Esteem".

It's a vicious cycle...as the laziness prolongs, so does the fact that one is not achieving, and when one is constantly not achieveing, that leads to even lower self-esteem.

Then I wonder...how can a person stand staying in that state for so long? Don't he/she wanna break out of it? This is where I reckon self-centredness comes into play...this person is not willing to give up the 'priviledges' of his/her current state. While he/she is moping around, struggling with his/her so-called self-esteem issues, he/she is excused from all forms of social responsibilities! No need to work, when tasked with any form of responsibility, he/she can just whip out his/her trump card:"Hello, I have LOW SELF ESTEEM. I'm the pitiful one here. GIVE IN TO ME! DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING FROM ME!"

He/She just wants to receive and receive and receive without having to give. Just like a child...very self-centered. And most of the time, loved ones react according and begin to start treating him/her like a child who can never grow up...which contributes to his/her helplessness.

I've learned in my short 5 years of work both from textbooks and from experienced SW/Cslrs that change will come when the identified dysfuctional pattern or cycle is broken.

For one of the two, I've had the priviledge of working with to help the person identify the dysfunctional pattern and take steps to break the vicious cycle. I'm glad to say that we've seen progress and the person is now more confident and positive of self, and able to motivate self to achieve personal goals. The person is also now able to refute negative comments given by loved ones, and challenged the comments with the statment,"How are you so sure I can't do it when you haven't even seen me try? I'll show it to you!" That's a really powerful change!

As for the other person, it seems like things are not working out at the moment although counselling (not by me tho, due to some environmental factors, I can't counsel this person) has taken place... it's a pity how this person as well supported, and if not more than the first person I mentioned, but yet is not progressing as well. I have a feeling this person is still holding fast to the "I have low self-esteem, so don't expect anything from me" trump card.

At first I thought if my assessment was wrong, but I did test my hypotheses with the first person. I challenged the first person and asked if it was simply the unwillingness to work hard to reach the goals that was a big hinderance from having a breakthrough, the person agreed and admitted that I nailed it. I found that it was through admitting that unwillingness that change begun. When the person admitted, we could work on goals to overcome the unwillingness instead of trying to achieve results. That was the root of the problem, and when that was dealt with, the rest of the issues began to fall into place properly.

These 2 persons have such similar characters....and I really find it a pity that the 2nd person isn't doing as well.

I've suggested that if the person is not willing to change, the environment will need to change to precipitate or "force" the person to change. But I'm limited...for the case of the 2nd person, there's only so much I can do. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing and if I'm overstepping any boundaries.

Right now, I can only feel that it's really such a pity. The second person is a talent waiting to be discovered. And the very person who needs to discover that is the person itself, but sadly that person seems to be the last one to realise it. It's also frustrating...after so many affirmations, the person still says "I can't do it." At times it really makes me wonder if it's a genuine feeling of inadequacy or sheer unwillingness.

I wish I had to chance to work with this person in a professional relationship...but I'm unsure about that. Perhaps it's also my own discomfort of crossing boundaries in a new environment....my own survival instinct. I'm not sure counselling that person will bring the person (and maybe even myself) more harm than good. I'm really not sure...

Perhaps what I can do now is pray....and pray about what I can do and what I should do. It's hard to attend to someone who is more than just a client to you. Perhaps that's why experts say that you can't counsel someone who's anything more to you that merely a client.

Perhaps this blog is the only safe and tangible place other than home where I can vent my frustrations and unload my struggles.

random updates...

Busy day at work....seems to have lots to do lately, but can't find the inertia to do it...haha...

Met up with a friend to talk about insurance last night, gonna update my policy when I meet my agent tmr.

Made cheesecake again! Blueberry cheesecake this time :) bought fresh blueberries from NTUC on my way home, as well as blueberry yoghurt. actually real blueberries don't really tast sourish as I thought they would be, but well, added lots of sugar and lime juice when I was making the sauce...hehe...meant it for cell tonight. checked on it and saw that the cheesecake filling has set nicely :) what's left is simply to pour and spread the blueberry sauce over as topping! yummy!

Hubby was sick and on MC yesterday...tink he gave me the bugs...feeling a flu coming up! And also watery eyes...the kind of "I'm gonna fall sick" feeling :(

Going for a home-visit later...it'll be near BE, where I can then pop by to collect our 2nd wedding portrait. Then take cab home...haha...

Just completed a report in the morning...will need to talk to some people after lunch and before I go on my home visit...and perhaps do up another short report.

Thurdays, which is National Day, will be the housewarming for my dad's side of the relatives. Dad will be cooking prawn mee again! Hooray!

3 months already!

Time flies.....it's been 3 months since we got married! Was just commenting to Hubby that since we got married, time seems to zoom past. We seem to be always busy scooting from one place to another. Yet, it feels like as thought we've already been married for a long time.

As I reflect on the past 3 months, I realised a few changes in myself. Firstly, I'm not so easily upset anymore..haha...in the past I used to get upset with Hubby over certain issues and get very affected by them. Recently, I find that even when I'm angry with Hubby, I get over it really quickly. It's more like I can't really be bothered to get upset anymore, and I don't really need Hubby to do that much to soothe me anymore.

Also, I'm amazed at my reduced need for sleep! Sleeping past midnight has become a norm for me, and I've also realised that I'm much more discplined now...not so much of doing things according to my feelings that much.

I'm thankful that Hubby still gives in to me alot and tries to do what I like...for example, he took up the challenge of drilling holes into our walls to put up the blinds we bought from IKEA for our living room. Guess it was the first time he undertook such a "major" project! Haha! It was despite his cough too. Hubby is sweet lah :) Guess I sense his growth too...he is learning to be the head of the household and making decisions for the family. And I think he does a pretty good job :)

During the marriage seminar we attended last week, I learned somethings that are very valuable from the speaker:

1. Serving my spouse should be my highest calling among all the other things God has planned for me to do
2. Change only what can be changed, and learn the accept what can never be changed
3. Food for thought: What if God made marriages not to make me happy, but to make me holy?
4. Marriage is 100%: 100% from husband and 100% from wife, NOT 50-50. So even if my husband gives 0%, I still need to give my 100%
5. Marriage is a COVENANT, not a contract: Meaning that we should keep to our vows no matter what, till death do us part
6. Marriage is based on mutual submission...marriage is matyrdom! To sustain a marriage, we need to die to ourselves on a daily basis!

I know that marriage has made me grow...and it has forced me to rely on God's strength more that before. I never realised that I needed God in every small details of my life, I never realised how much I needed His peace and strength. So on the whole, marriage has made me realise my need for God, which is a good thing :)

Now, I need the discipline to read His words despite my fatigue!!

The Red Bean Song

Last night, before we went to bed, I was casually half singing half whispering some nonsense things...something which I always like to do. Before I could figure out what I could sing for the next line, Hubby very spontaneously and immediately sung the next 2 lines for me:

Me: (To the tune of "I Hear Thunder")
I love red bean, I love red bean
Red bean soup! Red bean soup!

Hubby:
Peanuts in the Red Bean, Peanuts in the Red Bean
Red bean soup! Red bean soup!

It was a classic moment I tell ya...both of us burst into uncontrollable laughter after that! I totally did not expect Hubby to actually join me in my nonsense...it was just hilarious!

And as you might have guessed it....yes, I made red bean soup with peanuts last night...haha...

What's up for the week?

Just some random updates of what happened during since the last post...sort of counting my blessings :)

Last weekend was movie weekend! Hubby had 4 movie vouchers which are expiring soon so we decided to catch 2 movies. All along I thought that the vouchers could only be used for those listed under "No Restrictions", which means the older shows....but because this was a voucher that was bought with cash instead of redeemed with credit card points, we could actually watch any movies we like!!

So on friday, we went to Lido to watch Transformers. At first I thought I wouldn't like it, but it turned out pretty ok! There wasn't a moment of boredom in the show but everything was rather fast paced and action-packed. Hubby and I enjoyed the show...especially Hubby :)

Then on saturday, we went to watch Harry Potter: Order of the Phoenix. This one wasn't as good as transformer, I felt. I didn't follow the Harry Potter series so felt abit lost...like watching one episode of a serial drama. There were moments I felt bored during the movie...and I think th storyline isn't as exciting as I anticipated it to be. I did enjoy their British accent though...haha...

On saturday, both Hun and I had worship duty and training in the evening. So from 4:30pm to 10pm, we were in church. Then on sunday, after church, we had lunch with my parents and later on we went to buy some stuffs to cook for Hun's family for dinner. Dinner was nice...sweet potato porridge with fried veg, fried fish with tomato sauce, steamed eggs with salted egg, century eggs and minced meat, and braised peanuts with mushrooms and beancurd. As usual, Hun's family enjoyed the dinner...but for the first time, we couldn't finish the food! I think their capacity as also decreased somewhat. Initially our plans were to visit them at their place, but I decided to cook cos I didn't want them to eat outside food so much...thought a home-cooked meal is healthier and more heartwarming. Also, they can come and enjoy the "facilities" at my home...my mom in law loves our sofa and eldest bro in law loves the SCV...haha

Then on monday, we went back to my home for nice home cooked meal by mom. So happy to see my little Fusuke again...cos I see him only once a week now, can see the difference in the length of his coat of fur everytime I go back home!!

Yesterday, we had our first cell group meeting at our home! It was a nice sharing and getting to know each other sessions. Thanks to my cell leader and all the efforts she has put into getting the cell together. Looking forward to the future sessions!

For today, I'll be home alone cos Hun's got a gathering with his friends. Was supposed to go back my parent's place but realised that I have to bring some bulky items back home for the event where I need to be involved in on Sunday. Tomorrow and Friday, Hun and I will be attending a marriage enrichment course...looking forward to see what this course offers!! hehe...

Busy busy!

I'm really going for a holiday!

Yeah!! Dad is bringing the whole family on a short trip to Malaysia! He is also paying for Hubby and my accomodation there! Yeah! The plan is to take an overnight coach to Penang on 14 Sept (Fri) and arrive at Penang eary next morning (15 Sept, Sat). We'll stay in Penang for 2 nights and make our way to KL on 17 Sept, Monday morning. Thereafter, we'll stay for a night in KL and return to Singapore on 18 Sept, Tues late afternoon or evening.

I'm so looking forward to the break and shopping!! Good news is that we'll be travelling by Grasslands Express and staying at 2 very nice hotels :) Yeah!! Can't wait for the trip to happen!

I wanna travel!

Been itching to go for a short holiday or tour lately....not that I have any idea where to go to...probably Malaysia? shopping trip? Relaxing and scenery trip? Really have no idea. No idea what to do during the trip also...but just wanna get away from Singapore!!

Been feeling stressed and tensed lately too...there seems to be an unending list of things to do all the time...but yet I'm super unmotivated to do them...resulting in a whole lot of backlog, which adds to my unending list of unaccomplished task. It's a vicious cycle!

In the heart of it all, all I want to do is run away...get away for awhile and leave Singapore and all that's associated with it behind. Think it's bad cos I'm sorta getting to a point where I no longer feel guilt about not completing my tasks...and enjoying the adrenaline cum stress when I need to meet deadlines. But when I'm stressed about deadlines, I just wanna take flight.

Contradictory hor? Maybe I'm just tired of working lah...but I'm bored at home too. Just feeling very restless lately...maybe a break would help. My Banyan Tree honeymoon 2 months back was enjoyable...basically we just eat, spa and 'nua' our 4 days there. But I thought that was too short.

Maybe what I need now is a long long break of doing nothing...to the extend that I'll look forward to working again! In short, I think I really wanna go somewhere lah...but time and money is a big challenge! Considering we are a typical Singaporean couple who has loans and instalments to keep up...working our asses off to pay the monthly debts!

And somehow we're so busy too...got money also no time...will see how...cos Hubby wants a break too..maybe plan a short trip to KL or something lah...visit malaysia year..must go there sometime this year...go and eat and shop also shiok!

Honeymoon Photos

And my honeymoon photos here. We had a great time at Banyan Tree Bintan! The villa we stayed was great and everything there was simply first class! We had our very own jacuzzi pool too :) Tho it was just 45mins away from Singapore, it was truly paradise!


Let the pictures do the talking...I'm definitely going back to Banyan Tree again!

Honeymoon!

Photos of my home...finally!

Finally gotten down to take pictures of my home!

Can view them here!

My Home!

The Charity Show

It has happened! Kinda of exciting since this was the first time I've ever stepped into MediaCorp compound. The event went pretty well and the stage and studio was much smaller that it appears on TV. Was amused by what went on during commercial breaks and I didn't know that the audience get to see the commercials as well!

During the post show reception, I got to see many celebrities as well. But realised that maybe I'm more grown up now...didn't really feel special seeing them. It was more like yar..they are humans too, just working in a different line from me.

In any case, I enjoyed the show pretty much, besides the headache that has been bothering me since afternoon. It was down to earth, simple and no frills. It wasn't like those which needed the celebs to inflict pain and danger to themselves to get the money. So it was nice.

Ironically, I was looking at the large screen most of the time rather than on stage where the action is live. That's cos the stage lightings are so bright! looking at them made my headache worse...the other reason is also I can only see the number of calls on screen. Actually what I see on the screen is precisely what you guys see on TV!!

Met a few people there too...firstly it was Hubby's brother who got tickets from a friend who works in one of the banks who are our donors. Also met my uni friend there...so had a nice short time of catching up.

Overall, it was quite an experience! Went home and was lookng forward to a nice time alone with Hubby to unwind...but didn't know my in-laws were still at my home. So didn't get a chance to really sit down and talk to Hubby cos he was busy ironing his own clothes.

In any case, we're chilling out tonight! Yeah! I really need the relaxation...have been sleeping very little the past week!

Excitement's in the air!

Almost everyone is office is getting excited lately for our upcoming TV show. It's the first for us and many of us will get to go to the MediaCorp studio to watch the event live! And also be on usher duty.

Am personally looking forward to it! Never been to MediaCorp before...haha...but what's most important, to look forward to the funds being raised to help our clients!!

Must watch our charity show on Channel 8 this sunday ok? hehe...

Check out our TVCs! Think some of you may have already seen it on TV :)

Overdone Eggs!

Wanted to make soft boil eggs for Hubby's breakfast today...was over paranoid with the egg being undercooked, I ended up boiling them for too long and they turned hard boiled!! haha...

So Hubby had 2 tau sar pau, coffee and 2 hardboiled eggs for breakfast! haha...

Tomorrow cannot boil for so long liao!

Suddenly thought about this...

How many times in life do we get to "almost lose" someone? Sometimes we don't lose, sometimes we lose completely...then it's too late to show love. We are blessed if we "almost lose" but got it back...then whatever or whoever we almost lost becomes very precious and we treat him/her/it with utmost care.

What about those we haven't lost yet? Can we be sure that we will have the chance to "almost lose" them when something happens? What if we lost them during that one unfortunate incident? Shouldn't we be also treating those we haven't lose yet extra nicely too? but most of the time those we haven't come close to losing yet is taken from granted...but then, how can anyone know how close we are to losing someone?

Dogs can talk!

Haha...a friend sent this to me. This is so cute!! This pug response with "I love you" when the owner says "I love you" to him!



Well, my own shih tzu is not to be outdone! He can say "now" when I ask him "you want bread?"



Aren't they darlings?

2 months

Tomorrow marks the end of our 2nd month of marriage. Looking at our DVD of our actual day, it still feels very surreal. Besides feeling like it was a dream, I really have no vivid recollection of what happened that day...it's just all very dreamlike, very unreal.

Guess I've gotten used to staying together with Hubby now, it was much easier than I thought! For one, being the light sleeper that I am, I thought I wouldn't get use to having someone sleep beside me. But it wasn't that bad...I sort of adapted to that almost immediately.

But I must admit that I do feel much more tired than before, there just seems to be so much more responsibilities now that I'm someone's wife! Many things I know Hun does not expect of me, or at least not explicitly, but I feel obligated to do it. For example, whenever we are not out shopping (for groceries and household items!) or visiting parents, whenever we both knock off on time to go back home for dinner, I would very much like to cook...just so that we both can enjoy a nutritious meal.

Hun shares in the household chores and he does a very good job at keeping things neat and tidy, which I'm thankful for. I'm the one in-charge of keeping things clean. Tho he helps out, but I feel that the responsibility lies on my shoulder, while Hun is my helper. Maybe that's why I feel so tired all the time. Must take good care of the house and of hubby...and my work.

Don't know if Hun feels tired, maybe guys are just wired differently. Perhaps he thinks that I'm a grown up and can take care of myself well, so he doesn't need to worry about me. But maybe a wife is just different lah...the hubby is also a grown up and can take care of himself, but wife will always see that he can't! haha...maternal instincts? hmm...

Maybe I feel that I no longer have time for myself. Or maybe I don't know what to do if I have time for myself. Other than the 4 days of MC I took since we got married, monday was perhaps that first time I had time for myself. I took leave as I knew I would be exhausted from the overnight 30km walk friday through saturday, followed by 2 consecutive housewarming party on sunday.

What did I do? Did the laundry ( it has become one of my favourite chore...never seem to be an end to washing!!)...completed my Condor Hero and took a nap. I had planned to iron Hun's clothes for the week...but clean forgotten about it! Perhaps I was just too tired..haha..

Just so many things on my mind...and endless list of household responsibilities that just keeps repeating itself week after week. Then I had a realization that perhaps this is it: I'm not living just for myself anymore! I'm sharing a life with someone...not just a house or a home, but my life. Everything about me may have to adjust to accomodate Hun in my life.

No, I'm not complaining...but these little realizations help me cope better. Perhaps I was really not prepared for marriage, but then again I do not think anyone can be fully prepared for it anyway. I'm learning along the way. Someone once said that a marriage brings out the best and the worst in the person, and I totally believe it to be true! I have surprised myself these 2 months about my abilities to cope as a wife...I've probably done more housework these 2 months than I had in the last 2 years! As for the worst, I don't know...will have to leave Hun to provide the feedback for me...haha...

All I can say is that it's a learning journey...and I think it's preparing me to face the next challenge...when our first children (I'm hoping to have twins when we do conceive! hehe) come along...maybe all these coping with lesser time for myself is good practice when the children coming popping out...by then I think we REALLY will have no time for ourselves.

All in all, marriage has been anything but what I imagined it to be...not as fairytale, as happily-ever-after as I thought it would be. On the contrary, it's very down to earth and very real. It's not sweet like the courtship days, but it's blissful because we're a family now...not just 2 separate persons in love, but 1 family. Blissful, that's how I would describe our life now :)

More housewarmings!

We had our last round of housewarming on Sunday.

As I overslept on Sat for evening service at G1, and sweet sweet hubby didn't wake me up cos I was in such a deep sleep from the fatigue of the overnight walk, we decided to go for 9am service at G1 on sunday.

After service, we went home and waited for Hun's relatives to arrive. We told them 1pm and most of them came on time! We really thank God that many of them turned up cos they were not able to confirm initially and we thought we had overcatered. But it ended up quite ok!

Then at about 5 plus, Hun's family left and that's when my side of the relatives started to arrive. The food came about that time too. They stayed and watched Condor Hero which was showing on TV that evening.

All in all, we had a great time! And also thank God for the angpows and gifts that our relatives gave to us :) But for now, we're taking a break from houseparties...tired!

Breaking Barriers!

This is the picture of the morning after we broke the 30km barrier!

Last friday night, I walked with several other colleagues and clients on wheelchair from SPD HQ which is at Tiong Bahru to SPD Tampines! It was a 30km overnight walk to signify SPD's expansion and the addition of our services to the east. This is also in-line with our upcoming TV show. All in all it was really a very fulfilling experience. All of us never believed that this was possible! Imagine travelling on foot from Tiong Bahru all the way to Tampines!!

The trek was divided into 3 legs. Leg 1 was from SPD HQ to East Coast Park acDonalds. We flagged off at about 10:30pm on friday evening and reached East Coast at about 2:30pm or so after a 4 hours walk.

There we rested for about 30 to 40mins and begun Leg 2, which is from East Coast to Tampines stadium. Again we were ahead of time! We reached one of our rest points at a 24 hour coffeeshop and rested there for an hour before we proceeded with our walk. By about 7am, we reached Tampines stadium!

What an accomplishment! I didn't complete the last leg though...since I did not have any duties at the stadium, I followed one of the transport which ferried me from Tampines stadium to SPD Tampines centre. When I reached, I took a short tour of our centre and then took a cab home. As I was feeling quite tired by then, I wanted to leave before the crowd came.

The feeling is so surreal! Can't believe I actually walked that far! Really glad I signed up for this :)

Caterer changed their mind!

Our cheap caterer changed their mind! Over the phone, they were intially agreeable send the total order of 50pax in 2 batches, food for 30 at 1pm and food for 20 at 6pm. But later in the evening, hubby got a call from them and said minimum order per delivery is 50pax! That wasn't our initial agreement...

Now we're booking another one...more expensive but also more dishes, a nine course meal. And they are agreeable to waive off one of the delivery charges so we just need to pay for delivery once. Never tried this before but hopefully the food turns out good!

Housewarmings...

Have begun our series of housewarming...

Last friday Hubby's friends came over, they were the first batch! We had a fun time of potluck and the guys went crazy over the Wii brought by one of Hubby's friend. We made our lemongrass drink and most of the friends liked it...haha...

Then on sunday, we had round 2: we invited our ex church friends over and ordered in pizza while I cooked a pot of pineapple fried rice which I think didn't really turn out so well. All of us were entertained by the TV shows till 11pm that night! We cleaned up till pass midnight and went to bed past 1am....feeling so tired the next day!

We have 1 more round coming sunday...lunch will be for Hubby's relatives and dinner will be for mine...the mom's side. We'll be catering this time round so hopefully we won't have too much of cleaning up to do after that!!

But after searching for so many caterers, we finally found a cheap one! It's $6/pax for 5 dishes, and comes with complimentary drinks. Delivery is free too!! Which is good cos we don't really need to have a full spread of 9 or 10 dishes. Being the first time trying out this caterer tho' I think I heard about them before, we chose all the chef's recommendations...some dishes which are a little different from the usual spread:

1. Fried Bee Hoon (am looking forward to see how special this one is!)
2. Pork with Plum Sauce
3. Prawn Sauce Chicken
4. Fried Black Pepper Sliced Fish
5. Curry Vegetables

Anyway, looking forward to see how the food turns out!

I've yet to organize a housewarming party for my own friends...probably will take a break first lah...too many in a row is so tiring! Must recuperat first...haha...

New Name

My Blog has a new name....in view of the recent major life changing event on 5th May :)

Photos.....finally

Yes yes...I've been very slack in my wedding photos...also cos my BS is just so far from where I stay that we simply have no motivation to pass them the selected photos for developing!

But for starters, here's a set taken by our personal friend who also took photos that night. Only the holy matrimonial and the dinner one tho...dun have the table to table ones....that'll have to wait for my BS to give me :)

Enjoy!

http://www.flickr.com/gp/7343077@N05/t7qj5D

Birthday Tree

A friend sent this to me...

My birthday tree is the Maple Tree. Supposedly, I'm have the following characteristics:

- Independence of mind (quite, I think....hubby calls it "stubborn"...haha...)
- no ordinary person (yup, I'm special to my loved ones!)
- full of imagination (haha...very true! I like to daydream!) and originality (hmm...dunno about this one)
- shy and reserved (used to be...but somewhat changed as I grew older)
- ambitious (only when it comes to certain things)
- proud (yah...tink i'm quite...don't apologize easily when I'm wrong)
- self-confident (quite also I think...hehe...)
- hungers for new experiences (this is just euphemism for me being easily bored)
- sometimes nervous (hmm...don't we all get nervous sometimes?)
- has many complexities (I'm no simple gal...watch out!)
- good memory (I do have a pretty good memory...hehe)
- learns easily (hmm...only applies to things that do not require hand, leg and visual judgement coordinater eg driving, cycling)
- complicated love life (nay...my love life is very simple: hubby was my first and only boyfriend)
- wants to impress (come on lah...don't we all wanna impress others?)


Hubby's birthday tree is the Hornbeam Tree. Supposedly, he has the following characteristics:

- Good Taste (I fully agree!!)
- of cool beauty (err...what's "cool beauty"?)
- cares for its looks and condition (fully agree!!)
- is not egoistic (now...I don't believe there's any guys in the world that's not ego lor...)
- makes life as comfortable as possible (Hubby sure knows how to enjoy life!)
- leads a reasonable and disciplined life (Well, Hubby's is very organized person...come to think of it, yah lah...he's quite disciplined)
- looks for kindness and acknowledgement in an emotional partner (that's quite true too...but everyone also hope that their partner is kind to them and acknowledge them mah...)
- dreams of unusual lovers (this one I won't know...)
- is seldom happy with it's feelings (not true lah)
- mistrusts most people (hmm...let's just say that it's not that easy to gain his trust)
- is never sure of it's decisions (haha...this one quite true...something which sometimes irks me...hehe)
- very conscientions ("very" is an understatement...he's super conscientious!)


I usually don't believe in any of these birthday tree, birthday stone, birthday flower thingy...dats why after typing the above 2 paras, I decide to do a little experiment. I continued to read up on all the other birthday trees...and realised that most of the trees describe me quite well also lah...Chey!!

It's just something that people came up with to make people feel special and belonged, I suppose...perhaps in our day and age where everything is moving so quickly and people are losing face to face rapidly as the use to internet is growing rapidly too, more and more people are feeling lonely and not understood. Therefore little "tests" like these serves as sources of comfort to know that there are still people who knows what they are like. For a brief moment, I also felt good to find out that I was an "maple tree". It's hard to describe, but it's that brief moment of joy and happiness I felt when I realised that I belong to group of people who are like me...my fellow "maple trees".

But the nature of such things are such...it makes one feel good for that brief moment, but it doesn't last. A week later, if I hadn't written this blog, would I still remember that my birthday tree is the maple tree? Even if I do, would I remember what the characteristics are? Probably not...so what if for a moment I felt that I belonged to a community of "maple trees"? It doesn't last...even if I never forget the "maple tree", would it still hold as much significance to me after a week, a month, a year? I doubt.

Makes me wonder if society has gotten to a point where even these little boosters in life are enough to make people feel happier than they usually are. What in this world can they depend on to give them lasting joy and assurance? Have they found the ultimate source?

Once again, for a moment in time, God opened my eyes to see that His words are very true: "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away" (Matt 24:35, Mark 13:31, Luke 21:33) Perhaps the things we are busy chasing after is meaningless, just like what King Solomon had written in the Ecclesiastes. Perhaps we think we are satisfied with instant gratifications, but are we really? In the midst of all the busyness, don't we realise that we are actually very hungry and thirsty for something that can satisfy us once and for all? Don't all of us seek something that is more lasting and eternal? Or perhaps we have been too busy to even stop and think about it?

For those who are reading this and have yet to know Jesus, I would like to share with you that in the midst of all the chaos that the world is in now, Jesus is the only one thing that has never changed from the beginning of age till now. If you're looking for something that last, someone who will never let you down, who promise to love you just the way you are, whose love for you will never change no matter what happens, who loves you enough that He suffered the torture on the cross so that you would be saved and loved (even before you were born), who promises to be with you for eternity (who promises you eternity!)...why not turn to Jesus? He is opening His door to you today!

I have experienced this many times in my life, God has never failed me, and only He was able to comfort me and give me peace when no one and nothing else could. But no amount of words from me will be able to describe what it's like if you decide to have Jesus be the Lord of your life, it's something you gotta experience yourself.

The invitation has been made, the door has been open for you...now Jesus is standing at the door of your heart, waiting for you to open your door. Are you willing to let him in?

(If you wanna give Jesus a chance to enter your life, look for any christian friends to help you take the step! If there's no one you can turn to, please feel free to email me. God bless!)

Rantings...

Lately I've been feeling stressed very easily. Not sure if there's something wrong with me or there's really just too many things. I don't really feel very in control of my life these days, but rather my life is now being controlled by a series of recurring events and to-dos.

My mind is just constantly busy with what I need to do, who I need to visit, what has not been done yet...but these days I'm so tired that I just wanted to run away from it all and hide under my blanket. Which is what I did on saturday. I refused to get out of bed though my brain keeps yelling to me:"Get up and hang your clothes!! Look at the bright sun out there! Don't miss it!"

My life feels like a series of deadlines...even sunning the clothes has a deadline...before the rain and dark clouds come. Things on my list of to-dos:

1. Select the 300 actual day photos for the BS to develop
2. Burn the photos for my relatives
3. Fix up the telephone line (it's faulty :( )
4. Organize and plan the house warmings...
5. Weekly routine of when to got to which parent's place

Marriage comes with it a whole new set of responsibilities too...I'm not just living my own life now. it's very strange too...one the one hand I just wanna hide from the responsibilites, but on the other hand I wanna do it...I wanna cook, I wanna keep my home neat and clean...it's frustration when I can't match what I expect from myself.

I think I don't enjoy going to my in-laws or having them over...I just want the time to myself...but whenever I'm there, I'm glad to be there or I'm happy to have them over. Very contradictory....I guess once the initial reluctance is overcomed, the rest is actually very easy. I like my in-laws very much...just that most time I'm so tired I prefer to go home. But still, I know Hun misses his family and they miss him too...so I'm also happy to go there cos it makes everyone happy.

Maybe I'm not so settled in yet? Maybe it takes time to adjust...but for the moment, I think I found my avenue to relieve my stress...cooking. I enjoy trying new things and cooking for hubby. Yesterday the in-laws came over and I cooked barley drink, so happy they liked it :) Guess these are the things that makes me feel good and gives me the strength to go the next step.

God is good, and I know He is sustaining me. Nope, He doesn't supernaturally make marriage a breeze for me, but gives me just enough to sustain each day. I'm grateful that He strengthens me to face my responsibilities. It's not the physical things that wears me down, it's really more of the emotional responsibilties I have as a wife, daughter and daughter-in-law. I want the best for hubby, his parents and mine too. So everyday it's constantly a choice of my own needs or theirs...which ultimately theirs still comes first.

And the prospect that when we have our little ones in future, their needs will again come above mine...it's daunting. I guess I'm really struggling with myself more than anyone or anything else. It's really a huge task...and I really wonder how can anyone be a wife, daughter, mother, daughter-in-law, a full time employee all at the same time!

I'm surprised at myself nowadays...doing a household chore doesn't feel like a chore anymore...it's more of a chore to see things not done!! Thank God I have a husband who is more than willing the share the housework...and encourages me to see it as opportunities to do things together. Working on the housework together really feels good :) We get things done faster and after that we can both sit down and relax and enjoy the clean home.

Marriage is still very surreal to me...maybe I'm really just trying to adjust and get used to my new status. Thank God up till now Hun & I do not have any major conflicts though I'm beginning to see a very major difference between us. I'm as introverted a person as Hun is an extrovert...and it means that the way Hun and I relax and re-energize is very different. He'll enjoy relaxing by doing something or going out to meet friends, but for me, I just want some "ME" time...time alone to myself. I can be doing anything or not doing anything, but the time is mine and solely mine, and of cos I'll be glad to share it with Hun. But so far, I guess we've been adjusting to each other pretty well...I try my best to look happy when I'm one of those "I wish we were home instead of here" moods, and he tries to be understanding too.

On the whole, it has been a good one month or so :)

Back to Amore

After 6 months of break, I'm back to Amore again...went to the civic centre outlet yesterday and join their LO class. After the class, I went to work out at the gym for about 30mins, and then steam room for 15 mins.

Feels good to exercise once again! Now Amore is have a promotion...for the same package that I'm holding now, I pay about $10 lesser each month for a 1 year contract! Dunno if I should continue to sign up for it or not....hmm....or should I just discontinue...in a dilemma now...I really enjoy their facilities alot...but if we're gonna plan for a family next year, then the package will go to waste again....but then again, Amore allows me to disrupt when I'm pregnant...if I don't remember wrongly.

Well...dunno lah...anyway there's also hardly time for me to attend the classes now anyway. Maybe I should just finish my current contract and that's it...in any case, will wait till my contract ending then say lor...must control myself not to be swayed and enticed by their 'special offer'...if they wanna keep me, they will sure let me enjoy some perks one right? hehe...

New things in the house

Got several new things for the house!

1. Cool looking digital clock....finally there's a clock in the living room!
2. Storage shelves from IKEA...haven't got time to assemble it yet.
3. SCV!!! Finally!!

Finally had the time to spend the evening all to ourselves at our home for the first time since we got married. most times, we're home just to bathe, do housework then sleep. Yesterday, we went home straight after applying for our SCV and took an afternoon nap. After that we enjoyed a relaxing evening watching TV...hehe...

Truly enjoyable! Looking forward to more evenings like this...

Hope we'll be less busy as the days goes by...

Busy

Time flies...4 more days and we would have been married for a month already. So far life has been very busy. There's an endless list of things to do and places to go. I'm feeling tired already. The introverted side in me is sounding the red alert. I feel like finding a cave to hibernate. Doing things and meeting people is sapping the energy out of me. Spending time to "nua" at home seems like an impossible task now...I'm home so late every night.

Hope things get better soon...right now...I just need sleep and quiet moments to myself to recharge. Hun says we can get our SCV soon...yeah!! Soon I can start my watch-tv-and-relax regime again...looking forward to my SCV

Bro's Gig @ Bar None

Went to Bar None to support my bro's first 'official' gig that his band (You And Whose Army?) is performing. Must say that it was a great show considering it was their first! Could see the band really put in effort in their work. Played about 6 to 7 numbers, out of which only 1 was not their original work. I'm really amazed...tho i'm not really an indie/rock/alternative or whatever you call that kind of music person, i enjoyed myself :) I enjoyed the way they wrote their songs, and their style...it's just beautiful when something so intricate and complex can come out of mere inspiration. The band really played as one and connected with each other. Of course the crowd was good too! Mostly their friends I would say...and a couple of members from a renowned local band came to lend their support too.

Could see my bro was nervous at the beginning, and totally high when the gig ended. Can see the joy and sense of achievement written all over his face! Glad to see him taking something so seriously and going this far with it...great job YAWA?!

Almost 2 weeks....

It's been almost 2 weeks into my life as Mrs Tan. Adjusting to sleeping with someone beside me is easier than I imagined. I thought that for awhile I might not get used to sharing a bed with Hun, but it ends up that I am so tired at the end of each day that I just slept right through!

Life has been in overdrive mode for me since we came back from our honeymoon. There seems to be an unending list of things to do! Each day I reach home, I'm busy packing or unpacking, washing clothes, cleaning the house....until bedtime. Up till now I do not understand how come there's just so many things to do in our simple house when there's just the 2 of us and we don't cook often! I don't even find and interest in watching TV anymore! (ok lah..partly cos no cable tv yet...so I can't watch all my favourite programmes...*sobsob*) Up till now I'm stil puzzled...there's also an unending list of things to buy! Never imagined setting up a home takes so much effort!

Thank God that Hun is a very neat person and he happily undertakes the task of packing new things that we bought into the shelves...in an organized and sensible manner. He's a good organizer and I really appreciate that. He also helps to fold the clothes after I've taken them out from the dryer or the bamboo poles. I kind of enjoy ironing now...so I'll do the ironing and Hun will do the folding (which I don't like to do). He folds clothes really nicely too! Helps me keep my portion of the wardrobe neat :)

Right now we don't open our windows as we are seldom home most part of the day. Thankfully our house is not dusty so cleaning up is not such a big issue yet. But I still like to keep my bedroom clean so at least every other day I'll make sure the bedroom is mopped. Tomorrow's saturday and I'm looking forward to it...I love the morning sun cos I can hang my clothes out to dry and it has the nice sun-dried smell :)

"It's time to wash the bedsheet, pillowcases and quilt cover tomorrow...may need to wash in 2 batches in the morning..which means I'll need to wash the clothings tonight. Maybe use the dryer cos I'll need the bamboo tomorrow morning...if possible I wanna wash the floor mats too..." These are the things going through my head day and night since I started staying at my own home...I find myself planning what I need to do the next day...like what time I'll need to wake so I can bathe before Hun and prepare our breakfast...many things...

Hun tells me he doesn't need me to prepare breakfast for him, he can always buy outside. But maybe it's just be...a self-given obligation to make sure there's nice breakfast ready from my husband, and also a time where we can make it a point to sit down together to eat. In retrospect, I'm amused at how the set of value system in me has propelled certain actions which I didn't imagine I'm capable of.

Well, all I can say for now is that marriage has made me a little bit more disciplined and hardworking around the house. But it's just been 2 weeks...let's see when the Cable TV is up...and I have access to my favourtie programmes once again...will I still be so disciplined...haha...

All in all, to summarize, marriage has been great so far :) except that I do miss my silly little Fusuke. Will get to see him tonight! yeah!!

Hello, I'm back!

After more than a month of dormancy on Cookiejar, I'm back!!

It's been a busy month with my wedding and housing....but I'm glad that the wedding's finally over! Today's the 10th day of my marriage, and I'm enjoying every bit of it...even the housework! haha....It just feels different when you have your own home...you just wanna keep everything nice and neat!

Yesterday night we officially used our iron for the first time...it was quite a disaster :( the steam iron keeps dripping water that we decided to drain all the water out and use it just as a normal iron instead...but I'm gonna try it with water again!

Hun's been great with the housework...he helped to clean the floors and the kitchen while I did the laundry and also the floors. He's such a neat person and now my home is so organized and neat! Over the weekend, we had both our parents over to visit and we could tell that they liked our place very much :)

Honeymoon was great too! Will blog more about that when the pics are up...*wink*

Started work today...so it's another phase...no more honeymoon liao...praying that we'll learn to adjust to mundane life and make excitement out of our daily routines to keep our romance alive in marriage!

But for the moment...I'm still sleepy...maybe it's just work lah...not in the working gear yet...haha...

Hun's got a new job!

Hun's got a new job! Yeah! This means a better pay which really comes in handy :) Now we feel more secure in going on monthly instalments for our purchases. Really thank God that he got a pay that he was happy with and they also allowed him to start in mid-May which means we can plan for our honeymoon :)

Thank God for financial providence at this time of need!

It's been 2 weeks...

Yup, time flies....it's already 2 weeks since Hun's mom went into the hospital throught A&E, had her op, transfered from ICU to the general ward. By God's grace, we survived these 2 weeks, and still managed to get quite a few things accomplised for our wedding preps.

Last week I attended a course on Grief and Bereavement Counselling. Due to what I'm facing now, this course seems more apt and applicable at this point in my life. It set me thinking...much has been researched on caring for the patient/victim and their caregivers, I'm wondering if there's any research done on caring for the supporters of the caregivers.

You won't wonder why I'm asking that question...cos I see myself as a supporter of the caregiver of the patient. And having gone through it, it's really not an easy role at all! The patient has her struggles going through her own physical pain, the caregiver is emotionally affected and physically tired from caring and providing support to the patient. The supporter therefore supports the caregiver as much as possible.

Think the supported needs to be strong enough to also seek support of her own. Talking to friends really help. I'm really glad I have social work friends...for the first time when someone reflected my feelings to me and empathised with me, I felt comforted. Ironic right? I do that to people in the course of my counselling work, never knowing how it really felt to be at the receiving end...

And yes....blogging helps too. Better than having to bottle everything inside. It's kind of tough really...when you see your beloved so upset, so when you are upset yourself, you must have to handle it. Cos its the time when you need to be there for him, not the time to demand attention (which I sometimes still do). But it's times like these I really find myself being extra tolerant and understanding, and more dependent on God than before.

It was really tough the first few days....after all I felt my own world was shaken too! That's when we quarrelled. That was something I really regretted....and I'm trying my best not to let it happen again. He's trying his best too, I appreciate that. Now, I kind of gotten used to it. Perhaps we both learned to trust each other more and appreciate each other more too.

Hard to explain lah...but definitely something good came out of this. I feel our relationship strengthened...I think it's because both of us are less selfish and more considerate for each other.

Well, if given a chance to choose again, I wouldn't want my wedding preps to happen any other way. I believe God has allowed this to happen and thus He will watch over us. He can make every situation into a testimony of His greatness and glory.

Praise God for a Speedy Recovery

Hun's mom is out of the ICU today and will be transfered to a general ward. Her surgeon was very happy with the recovery from the op. That's great news to all of us, especially Hun's family. I went to see her on sat, she was having lunch and could eat one-third of the porridge that was given to her. I think it's a really good progress and God is really healing her at a miraculous rate.

Just very thankful that she is recovering well. At the moment, Hun does not know how she is physically, if she can walk on her own, eat on her own etc. Basically cos she can't move at the moment for the simple reason that she's still being hooked up to all those monitoring machines. But all these will known when she's in the general ward and when she's no longer hooked up.

But I believe that God will grant her a Miraculous Recovery, cos that's what I believe was inspired upon my heart to pray for her for. Many brothers and sisters in Christ has also shared with Hun that they sense in their spirit that this is an experience that will glorify God's name, and that all will see that only God would have been able to perform such a miracle in her life.

I pray that this will also be a life transforming experience for Hun's mom, and she will know God like never before, that she will be a woman used for God for His glory. And also Hun's family will rise up and begin to be used by God to touch and change lives too. I believe God has greater plans for Hun's family, and I pray that they will be willing and obediant and offer their lives to be used by God. Amen!

It all happened so quickly

We received an sms alert on 1 Mar at about 2AM in the morning. Hun's mom lost consciousness and was admitted to A&E via an ambulance. We woke up to pray for his mom. That night I couldn't really sleep well at all...my heart was just pumping so quickly and I kept waking up almost every hour. I hope nothing had happened to Hun's mom.

At 5 plus AM, I smsed Hun to ask him how things were, he said that his mom was admitted into ICU ward after being diagnosed has having suffered from a stroke attack. I told him I'll take a day's leave to be with him.

Mom offered to go down with me to visit Hun's mom. Thereafter I'll be staying on a little while longer to accompany him before leaving him with his family to handle to administrative matters like talking to the doc etc...

We reach at about 12 plus and had lunch at the Kopitiam food court at TTSH before going to visit Hun's mom. I couldn't really eat as well. Just had their toast and egg set. When we went up to the ICU ward, we saw Hun and his family sleeping in one of the cubicles meant for family members of the ICU patients. we didn't want to disturb them so we proceeded directly into the ward to take a look at Hun's mom.

We saw her sleeping there, hooked up to all the various machines. It's the first time I've been in an ICU ward. When I saw her lying there, my heart ached. Just 3 nights ago I was having dinner with her, and now, suddenly she's lying there, looking so frail and fragile. When we went out, Hun's family woke as one of his brothers saw us. Hun just looked very tired.

After we chatted for a little while, they went in to look at Hun's mom. We joined them later for awhile before she was pushed down to the Neuroscience department to have a brain scanned and for the doctors to decide what to do. I didn't go along with them at first. But later Hun came up to look for us to tell us what was going on and asked if we would like to join them. Mom said she'll go home first while I wished to stay with Hun for a while more.

There are the Neuroscience, docs informed the family exactly what had happened and they were given 2 options of surgery. They chose the one option which the doctors has recommended, which although is a higher risked procedure, there are much lesser after effects after the op. It all happened very soon...at about 3pm she was pushed to the Neuroscience, by 5:30pm, the op was to take place.

I could see that Hun and his family were very worried and anxious. Hun's mom looked scared too, and we kept assuring here that Jesus was with her and would be with her throughout the operation. I then let Hun and his family spend some private time together before she was finally pushed into the operation theatre.

When they came out, Mom and I had dinner with Hun and his big brother. After dinner, Mom and I went home while Hun and his bro went back to await the completion of the op. It must have been a very anxious 5 hour wait for them. I myself felt so restless the entire evening and kept on praying.

I was very tired and went to bed early at about 10pm. I prayed and interceeded while the op was still carrying on and kept praying for God to watch over the operation. As I was praying in tongues, I was inspired to sing songs of victory. I was impressed by the Holy Spirit that this was a battle, and one of the keys to winning a battle was to sing victory songs. So I just kept on singing and proclaiming victory over the operation and over her health. As I was singing I started to get more excited...in a happy way. So I sensed that the operation would be a success. Not sure how long I have prayed before I fell asleep, I think it was about 30mins. But soon I was awaken and I messaged Hun to ask him how was the outcome. Hun called me back and said she wasn't out yet. So I just continued praying and soon fell asleep again. At about 11 plus, Hun msged to say that the op was a success! The family just spoke to the doc but they have not seen his mom yet.

It was such a joyful moment! And I wish I could be there to share his joy and relief, but I was definitely there with him in spirit!

Now we'll just keep praying for the restoration of her health, praying for complete success of the operation with no implications and complications, and a very miraculous healing process. And we believe and give thanks that God has heard the prayer of his children and he has honoured that efforts put in by the fellow brothers and sisters in Christ as they joined Hun's family in unity to interceed for Hun's mom.

It all happened in 1 day, but this day we saw what Christian love is. I'm sure Hun's family must have felt very supported with so many believers upholding them in prayer. Praise God for good friends and family-in-Christ in times of needs such as this!

Sick over the weekend

Think I've been too physically and mentally drained out again lately....sick in bed over the weekend.

On Sat, I woke up early to attend my bimonthly training. Was supposed to stay for a second part of it which commences at 1:30pm (after the 9am-1pm session) but the headache was so bad that I decided to go home to catch a nap before practice at Grace at 4:30pm. Thankfully there was another session going on on Monday.

After I left office, I couldn't even walk without feeling the throbs in my head! So I hailed a cab to head home. Went home and slept immediately till about 4pm. Den woke up to have something before dad drove me and bong for practice. After practice, we went for dinner. Helped my mom decorate 1 basket for her hamper den headed back to sleep.

Next morning, I woke up to prepare to go to church. After service, we headed straight home and I slept again...till 4pm before I woke up to chat awhile with Hun and have something to eat (didn't eat lunch). at about 6pm, slept again till 7pm and then dinner.

After dinner, I went home to watch a bit of tv and slept at 10pm all the way till the next day.

Slept alot, but I guess it's the only way to make a headache go away...

We're Hollanders!

After months of searching, we finally got a flat! A 4-room unit at our dream location, Holland Village! More details are on my diary of a bride-to-be blog.....yay! we're gonna be Hollanders!

New Furnitures!

Yesterday my uncle and aunt delivered some furnitures to my home. They're shifting house so they gave my family their sofa (a 3 seated + 1 single seater) and a bookshelf cum display cabinet. So after work, I went home with Hun to do some major furniture re-org!

My room now has a new look! The computer table was shifted out, replacing the shelf that was holding our fax machine and telephone. And that shelf was replacing another small shelf near my kitchen entrance.

My study table was shifted further right from where it used to be. It's now next to my wardrobe, leaving enough space for the wardrobe doors to be opened. The new bookshelf is assembled in my room, to the left of my study table.

My full length mirror, which was to the right of my study table was shifted across my bedroom and placed beside my small shelf that was next to the TV. Now my mirror is finally nearer to the light!!

My bed has to be rotated 90 degrees so instead of facing the TV, I'm now facing the door or the window...now watching TV can pose a bit of problem cos I can no longet lie down and watch...sigh....

But already I'm having ideas of how to spruce up my room. I wanna a lamp to put at the small space beside the new book shelf. And I hope to buy wooden blinds for my windows. Then when I turn on the wall lamp and this together, my room will have a very cosy country feel! Yeah!

New furnitures, new tv, new digital SCV set-top box...I'm all set for the CNY! And mom has bought me 2 new dresses for the new year too! yeah :)

And of course, I won't forget to mention the huge study table my uncle and aunt has blessed me and Hun! And this table is so special because it's our very first piece of furniture. If it's so big, that means we have to have a big enough house with a big enough study room to put the shelf in! So excited to finding out the unit God has planned for me!

I'm so gonna have a blessed Chinese New Year!

Attacked! But we're conquerors!

Due to the extreme busyness and lack of proper rest since 19 Dec 2006, I fell ill last week. Hun's down this week too. He was sick in bed on sat, and was having stomach upset since sunday till today....it's been like 5 or 6 days. Seen the doctor once and was given some medication to stop his diarrhoea and also some good bacteria to fight the germs in his tummy. But he's still having those churning feeling in his stomach...so poor thing!

Tink we're being attacked...the evil one is really trying to get us down! Cos we're both feeling the heightened stress about our wedding preps. We're less than 4 months away from the wedding and haven't found a flat yet! But we continue to trust in Him to provide a place for us. Thank God for placing my uncle who's a housing agent. It really helps to have him to advise and guide us. At the very least, we're both assured that his motivating factor is not to gain monetarily out of us! It was very nice and comfortable viewing with him as he gives genuine advise on whether the price quoted was really worth it or not....dun tink you get that from other housing agents cos afterall, they wanna earn your money.

Still I think we're very blessed :) And I thank God for the entire wedding preparation experience! I truly enjoyed my photoshoots very much...it felt so romantic...taking our wedding pictures as a couple...how to describe it? Tink only those who've gone through it will know what I'm feeling :) Sweet!

Although it's really stressful, I can't wait for the day to come...it's a strange feeling...haha...on the one hand I can't waith for 5 May to come...on the other hand, I think everything is happening too soon...hmm...well...I dunno. tink I'm just getting really excited about this whole wedding prep thing!

Whee!

I'm back...for awhile

Yes...it's been some weeks since my last entry....what have I been busy with? Let's see now..

18 Dec 06: Trial make-up & going to the tailor for making Hun's suit.
19 - 23 Dec 06: The CLOWN musical
24 - 26 Dec 06: Christmas Holidays
27 - 29 Dec 06: Back to Work...and busy with my D&D stuffs
30 Dec 06 - 2 Jan 07: Worship Practice, Watch Night Service, Shopping & Amore Spa
3 - 5 Jan 07: Back to Work again...and even busier with D&D stuffs

Don't feel that I've had a good break at all...busy with all areas of my life at the same time. 15th Jan's the photoshoots and I'm excited and stressed at the same time...then there's the housing issue. Don't think I'll get any less busy till my wedding is over!

And yes...I'm getting married THIS YEAR!!! It's THIS YEAR!! No longer next year....I have been looking forward to it for so long....but suddenly, it's like it's happening too fast...

K, gotta stop here and get back to work....dunno when will be the next time I have time for blogging...haha...