Updates

I've been quite intrigued by Facebook recently that I've neglected blogging...haha! But facebook's really cool...found so many of my school days friends! When I came back this morning to take a look at blogger once again, realised that it wasn't so long ago that I had blogged....just 20 days ago.

Recently there's been some major changes at work, and some major impending changes...I've finally decided to take up the challenge posted before me. Really relying on God's strength to do this task!

Looking forward, I'm glad my study loan is coming to end! As it's near it's tail end, I've decided to dump my year end bonus into clearing it fully! Then I'll be official debt free! For my personal debts only lah....good also cos I can pay off more of the other loans we've incurred since we got married.

Actually my life feel like it's in a whirlpool now, so many changes which makes it so exciting! For now, I'm not so willing to try to think or imagine what it would be like...just take things as they come.

Pardon my vagueness in this post....will reveal more details when the time is ripe!

New things....

Been given a huge new responsibility at work....and it's really making me stressed out. Not sure if I'm up to it at the moment. Presently, I've been in denial...doing anything and everything except work that's needed to facilitate my undertaking of this new role.

I realised that it is my style of coping...I take flight when I'm stressed, avoiding the issue, not willing to face it. But of course I'll give myself credit for still facing it eventually. I'm not exactly the irresponsible sort of person. In fact, I think I'm quite a 'never-say-die' kind of person.

I'll just need time and space to retreat into my own little world to work through my stress and anxieties first before I'm ready to step out again.

I just dislike the beginning phase when I'm still struggling and learning...how I wish it will fast forward to the point where I'm already adapt at the task...then I'll feel more confident and less stressed...I'm now that the worst stage: anticipating for the thing to happen, for the moment to start when I'm beginning this new task. Maybe after that moment, things will start getting better...hopefully...

On a lighter note, I've been attending a crash course on sign language. It's conducted in-house and company paid for it. So one of my wish from long ago has finally been fulfilled. And I'm enjoy my lessons tremendously! I love learning new languages :)

And yes, I haven't updated about my Penang/KL trip...it was a blast!! The quantity and quality fo the food we ate there thanks to the great hospitality of my Malaysian relatives were more than enough to make me gain 100 kilos! Ok, that's a bit too far fetched, but I really put on weight after my trip ok! The food was simply out of this world lah...my brother called it "god-like". Don't believe? Go to Penang and you'll see what I mean..

For now, i'm dingdong-ing between desperately trying to lose weight and trying to keep to my diet. I wanna lose enough weight so that when I get pregnant, I'll weight what I'm weighing now when I'm full term...experts have said that during pregnancy, a healthy weight gain should be 10-12 kilos...so I need to lose this much first before I plan for a baby! Gambatte!

Murphy's Law at play...or the Devil's little schemes!

3 days before the Penang/KL trip with my family, I have this nagging headache that does not go away.

2 days before my trip I was informed that immediately the week after I'm back, there is going to be an audit.

1 day before the trip my mother-in-law has a serious fall and is admitted to hospital, AND the TV in my parent's home blew!

On the day I'm leaving a client tells me she has no place to stay by coming Tuesday (I will be in KL then), and I find out another client hasn't been totally truthful!

Coincidence? or foul play?

You could call it Murphy's Law...I call it the Devil's schemes!!

It's scary how people change...

It's really scary how people can change so much, how selfish a person can be.

Had a talk with a family member last night about some issues and struggles he was facing, which left me realizing how inconsistent mankind can be. Because of material gains, friends can turn against each other, betray each other's trust, become bitter enemies. As christians, we are not supposed to be enemies with our fellow mankind, we forgive and let go of the hate and anger. But sometimes, after the forgiveness, the friendship may still be lost. Some hurts are just too deep for reconciliation. We could remain "hi/bye" friends but may forever lose the strong bond we used to share.

It makes me realise how fragile a relationship can be, be it romantic or platonic. Even as platonic friends, for a friendship to really last long, there needs to be giving of yourself, putting the other party first and being considerate of the other party. If a friendship is just based on your own needs, it's very difficult to maintain it.

Sometimes, even kinship are severed when a family member becomes very self-centred and will pay any price to get things done his way. But you can never sever blood ties...no matter what, how can you suddenly not become a parent, child or sibling? But for friends, thats a different thing, friendship can be severed.

I just find it saddening to find that friendships that used to be strong is broken down because of material gains. But beyond the material gains lies the real reason...selfishness, to gain for yourself at your friend's expense.

It's really sad for things to come to this state...no wonder God gave us the commandment to love our neighbour as ourselves. God knew the wickedness of our hearts and had given us the solution long long ago. Such is God's wisdom, in man's eyes it may seem stupid not to fight for your own gains first, but God wanted to spare us from the heartaches and losses that results in our selfish actions.

We really ought to love one another as Christ loves us.

Patience

It's really a test of my patience these days...working with some who are not easy to work with. At times I wonder why they behave the way they do...Work ethics which I have taken for granted are lacking. I used the think that as working person, you have to have a certain sense of responsibilty and accountability, and willing to take on work as assigned by the bosses. But somehow this quality is lacking...but yet the social worker self is trained to look at the positive most of the time, and I find myself struggling to confront the negative.

"Give one more chance" somehow always ends up as my modus operandi. When I want to confront, when I plan to confront, it always comes out as encouragement and affirmations of what was done well. Am I avoiding the unpleasant issues? Or have I done right to motivate and encourage? I really don't know.

Just hope things become better as the days go by...maybe I should learn to confront more!