Thanksgiving

Thank God for His renewed strength and sustenance the past 5 weeks as I've figuring out how to be a mother.

Thank God for teaching me what patience and love truly is through mothering Caleb.

Thank God for a healthy and active baby who thankfully sleeps through most of the night.

Thank God for an understanding hubby who gave in to me so much during the confinement month and helped with attending to the baby on weekend nights.

Thank God for my own mother who gave of herself to help me during my confinement, and my father who cooked the yummy confinement food.

Thank God for bringing us a good helper.

Thank God that Baby Caleb seems happy and active despite the vomiting episodes!

Thank God for more exciting days ahead :)

Recounting 16th August...

After reading friends' blog entries of their birthing experience, and wondering how will my story turn out, finally I get to write about my own experience...

It all started on the morning of 15th August (Sat) when we went to the gynea. Was told I was already 2cm dilated and my amniotic fluid was running low...so if labour doesn't come naturally in the next 2 days, I will need to be admitted for induction by midnight on Sunday. After the appointment, Hubby and I went home and we prayed that I didn't need to be induced as I heard horror stories about how painful it will be as compared to the contractions coming on naturally...but right until the end of the day, still no news...

16th August (Sun)...we decided not to go to church that morning as we were expecting labour anytime, and didn't feel confident enough to know what to do if it started in church! I was still hoping and praying that labour will start on it's own, knowing that the "deadline" is midnight! Still no news the whole morning...didn't get the helper to cook lunch, so hubby and I decided to go down for lunch and unwind abit. THEN it happened...at first I thought I needed to relieve myself so I went to the toilet...but just a minute after I went, I felt like I leaked pee again...and then a couple of minutes later, I leaked again...told hubby that I think it might be my water breaking and told him to pack lunch up instead. In the next hour or so, I was leaking on and off and we decided it was time to go to the hospital!

3pm: We reached the hospital and I was ushered into the labour ward while hubby did the admission stuff. The nurse checked and confirmed that my water broke and called my gynae.

4pm: Was informed that my gynae instructed the nurses to start the induction process...ended up having to be induced anyway...

5pm: started to feel the contractions...which really came on strong quite quickly! Within half an hour after the contractions started, I was already feeling them every 5 minutes. Although each individual contraction was bearable on it's own, but to experience the same degree of pain continuously every 5 minutes was really torturous! somewhere in between I felt I needed to move my bowels again and went to the toilet...was the most painful trip to the toilet ever! Took a long time as I was cringing in pain most of the time...

7pm/8pm: Couldn't take the pain anymore and decided to succumb to pain relief...nurse gave the option of the gas or epidural...decided to go for the gas first and see how...it did provide temporary relief although there's a trick to it...I needed to inhale the gas before each contractions in order for it to be effective...a few times I didn't inhale in time and the contraction was still very painful

9pm/9:30pm: Was told I was still only about 3 or 4cm dilated and can only start to push early next morning...by then I was in so much pain that I decided to go for the epidural

10pm: Sweet relief came when the doc finally arrived to administer the epidural. Thought it will be a breeze from now till birth...but I was pretty wrong...

10pm - 5am: Was still experiencing pain throughout the night though I could catch moments of sleep...the epidural did relief me of my contraction pains, but there was this intense pain at my pubic bone which seems to intensify with time...they had to up my dosage of epidural 3 times and it only made the pain a little more bearable...

5am-6am: Midwife told me I could finally start pushing...at first 2 midwives helped me alongside with hubby...has abit of difficulty pushing as I wasn't pushing right and I was frankly pretty tired out by the pain by then...then in came the gynae, who was there for awhile and then left as the baby still wasn't really coming...

6am: Gynae came back in and asked if I wanted help...told him I'll try on my own first...under the midwives and hubby's encouragement and instruction, I finally got the hang of pushing correctly...all eyes were hooked on the machine to measure my contractions and telling me when to push, but actually I could feel it for myself as the pain at the bone would intensify just before each contraction. Baby's hair could be seen, but each time the contraction was over, he seems to slip back inside...

7am: Finally the head was out...then the shoulder and rest of the body slipped out of me at 7:09am...I didn't know at first until they placed him on me. I took a little while more for the placenta come out, and for the bleeding to stop...was bleeding quite badly and doc had to administer drugs to help me stop the bleeding as he was getting a little concerned.

But all's well that ends well...i was checked, baby was checked and we both were doing fine...and soon, we were pushed back to our comfy ward. All in all, it was really an experience of a lifetime! And it marked the beginning of a very new journey...

Last few days of couplehood

Thought it'll be good to pen down some thoughts before my little boy arrives...

Last 2 weeks have been really "happening"...

The H1N1 scare...2 thursdays ago, I fell pretty sick with cough and fever and went to the GP. Was told it was 50% H1N1 and was then asked by my Ob/Gyn to take the test to ascertain. Hence Hubby took time off from work for the day and drove me to KKH for the test. Didn't realised KKH was so huge!! When we arrived, we went to the 24 hr clinic at the basement and was asked to proceed to the 2nd floor diagnostic clinic as the 24 hr clinic only served women up to 5 months pregnant. Off we went to the diagnostic clinic and was then asked to go next door to the labour ward as I'm already almost full term! Was quite terrible to have to walk so much when I was feeling really woozy and sick!

Finally, at the labour ward, they did the test and I was put under observation for 1 hour...hooked me up to a baby monitoring machine and I could hear Caleb swooshing away inside me during the entire hour, seemingly unperturbed by what's happening to mummy...after an hour, I was finally "released" and given the green light to go home. the Doc told me I'll get my results in 24 hours and if by the next day I don't hear from them, I should be cleared.Came friday and there was no news...and I thank God for His covering and protection that I didn't get H1N1 after all! Still was absent from work for 5 days though as the ful virus was really bad and my cough hasn't really dissipated until today...but definitely getting better :)

Because I was unable to confirm if it was H1N1, I had to miss my final presentation for my course...but thank God my lecturer was really nice and postponed my presentation to a week later. I also had really nice team members who didn't blame me but showered their concern throughout the week. Finally, I did the presentation last week, and thus ended my semester.Work wise, I also managed to clear by Friday and began my maternity leave the day after the National Day PH.

So for now, my full time job is just to rest and wait for Baby Caleb to arrive...did a VE during my gynae appmt last saturday and was told my amniotic fluid was borderline and I'm already 1cm dilated, and his parting words were "I'll see you next saturday if nothing happens". Not sure if its psychological, but these last 2 days I've been feeling rather different...finding it very tiring to even walk for a short distance and starting to get bouts of headache and nausea again...read from some websites that this could be due to some final surge of hormones before labour.

Now I'm just spending my days anticipating the birth...really don't know what to expect as I didn't have any braxton hicks contractions during my pregnancy...and Caleb is still as active as ever inside. Well, I guess when the labour contraction kicks in, I'll probably recognize it...like what most women mentioned on forums...I do pray that it will be a quick labour though! Cos I'm trying to go without the epi if possible....and I certainly hope I can contract naturally without having to be induced! Think I'm getting rather impatient already...hoping he'll come soon as its getting really uncomfortable to move around!

On a happy note, my helper has arrived since 2 weeks ago and I'm SO glad that my home is clean, neat and tidy again! Yeah! She's a sweet gal and so far Hubby and I are very happy with her and getting used to living under the same roof. Praying that she'll continue to be a great help as a nanny to Caleb when he's born!

Oh I hope he comes soon!

"Virgin" Accident

Experienced my "virgin" accident yesterday evening....was driving to school along Farrer Road and it was heavy traffic at that time. I was about to move off when the traffic in front of me starting to move, and then I felt a knock from behind...a van had collided into the back of my car.

Didn't know what to do at first as I was all alone...but realised I had to at least get down the car and see the damage. Thousand things running through my mind then...how bad was it? Would the van driver be nasty about it try to push the blame? How do I handle it? Does my car needs to be towed? Need to call Police? My mind was really in a blur then!

Thank God the driver seems like a nice guy...first thing he did was to apologize and told to send the car for repair and let him know how much it cost...being stuck at Lane 2, was quite gan cheong to get the whole thing over and done with and move on...so we exchanged numbers and drive off. From what I see, nothing too serious...except that the bumper paint was chipped off. 

When I started the engine and started driving, I heard a strange sound coming from the back of my car and decided to pull over to the side of the road to have a closer look. Managed to manoeuvre the car through the heavy traffic to the side where I'm not obstructing traffic. After inspecting the rear, I found out that the bumper had actually dropped and was rubbing against my wheels, and therefore causing the sound. 

Decided that it was time to call hubby to come to the rescue...amazingly, somehow he was expecting my call...he later shared that when we parted just 15 mins before that after our dinner, he sensed that something was going to happen. So he arrived soon in a cab and took a look at the car. I told him we couldn't drive the car anymore cos the bumper was already touching the wheels...but he simply pushed the bumper up and we could drive home...haha...so simple only!

Before that, I msged my classmate and lecturer that I won't be going for class that night, as I didn't know what else needed to be settled. On our way home, the van driver sms-ed me again to apologize and we arranged to go to his workshop for the repairs...we didn't want to make things too difficult for him also lah...

This morning, I took leave and Hubby was already on leave anyway because he is having exams tonight. We went to the workshop in the morning and now our car is undergoing the bumper repair and spray-painting for the chipped off part. We topped up money to spray paint the front of the car as well since the paint also chipped off when hubby "kissed" another car's bumper some months back.

Once again, lots to thank God for!

1. For protection upon myself and baby Caleb...I believe God's hand of protection was upon me as somehow I didn't really feel much of the impact. I usually get startled quite easily, but I was unusually calm about the whole thing...I knew someone had collided into my car but I almost wasn't impacted at all.

2. Thank God that the van driver was a nice chap...I wouldn't have known how to handle the situation if he was one of those demanding people who try to fight their way out of it. Thank God he had a good attitude about it and was responsible for the whole thing.

3. Thank God for immaculate timing...that Hubby was on leave and agreed to take time off his revision to go down to the workshop with me! After we went there, I realised I wouldn't have managed to find the place as it was somewhere at the AMK Industrial Park...a foreign land to me.

4. Thank God for allowing this to happen so we can finally repair our bumper!! My bro actually got into an accident late last year and the bumper had already loosened...so whenever there were passengers in the rear seats, and we were turning a corner, the mud guard will rub against the right rear wheels. This second impact simply made it worse. We were contemplating if we wanted to do up the car or buy another 2nd hand car...but now, it seems like with the repair and the new coat of paint over where was chipped off, we can now drive the car till the COE expires in 2011! This is really a big savings for us as we can put off putting aside money to get another car for now, and don't have to worry about our car falling apart!

Really interesting how God provides us with what we need and all in His perfect timing :) He is indeed our Shepherd and Provider! 

Last lap...and challenges faced!

Did a calculation and realised that I'm already less than 100 days from my due date! Seems like just yesterday when I discovered I'm pregnant...now I'm into my final trimester! Went baby-stuff shopping with hubby and mom last saturday and it kicked of the excitement to want to start buying more things! Just an account of what things we have gotten so far:

1. 2nd hand Baby Cot (given by hubby's colleague) - to be used at my mom's place
2. 2nd hand Baby Cot with wheels for our own home, made of teak wood, complete with mattress, bumpers, bedsheets, pillow and bolster cases, new set of pillow and bolster and a mobile @ $80 - Cot is of good quality and ordered from Japan, saw it in SMH forum and arranged to buy it on the same day!
3. New "Classic Pooh" bumper + sheets set @ $109 (Given by mom!)
4. 2nd hand stroller @ $75 (UP $199) - the kind we like, those that can accomodate infant to kids up to 25kg. Reversible handle too!
5. New Baby clothings - all given by mom.

Now I'm starting to put a list of things to buy to prepare for the arrival of the little one.

We also need to prepare for a helper and the stuffs she'll need...wardrobe, bedframe and mattress, new sheets etc.

And...we need a new car...our dear little red suzuki decided to die on us this morning...couldn't get it's engine started....it has shown signs some weeks back, we almost couldn't start it 2 weeks ago as well, but finally it did after a while, and a prayer. But not this morning...was supposed to fetch Hubby to his camp and then take the car for the day, but it didn't start. Tried again at noon when I was coming to work but still couldn't get it started...later today hubby is going to get his dad to help and see if using a new battery works.

We've been praying for a new car and perhaps this is a last straw! A "series of unfortunate events" sparked our intention to start sourcing for a new car.....

First, my bro got into an accident and the bumper was dented, and when someone sits on the right rear passenger seat, the mudguard will contact the wheels....we're thinking to start getting a new car or to repair it...but repairing a 17 year old car doesn't seem very worthwhile...besides, the fuel consumption is pretty high for this car. But after rationalizing, we decided we can still live with this car...save money for now...

Next, hubby got into a minor accident and "kissed" the bumper of a Lexus...thankfully the owner was so nice and at that time was also in the midst of changing to another car that all he asked for was for hubby to treat him to breakfast as compensation (turns out they work in the same company! haha...). Again, after some discussion, we decided that the 2 accidents resulted only in cosmetic damages...car still can use mah....save money...stick to it till we have better means to pay for car loan.

Then, mysteriously our oil tank started leaking, not the drip-drip-drip at the bottom kind....but its like a fountain flowing out from the small opening where you insert the petrol pump! A couple of times we have seen petrol gush out through the little door that hides the oil tank opening..means it actually managed to flow-out through the cap and then out of the door! Again, we countered that by ensuring that we never pump till full tank...so can still use for now...

Now, the engine cannot be started...is this a sign or what?

This is a season where we are really living by faith! Just when we are starting to spend more in buying baby stuffs, we now face the pressing need of getting another car sooner than we had planned...it doesn't help that within the same month, income tax is due and we just spent quite a sum on our school fees for the new school term....

And it's really interesting how it is at this very moment that God has impressed upon hubby's heart to make a donation of a significant amount to a famous christian mission organization. Hubby gave in obediance and faith and we stand together to believe that God has His plans to direct us to give at this point in time, and we will receive even greater blessings because we acted in faith.

Through it all, all I can say is God is good and despite the circumstances and what our eyes can see, we'll continue to put our faith in Him as our Provider and Shepherd. I thank God that He has given me a heart of joy and gave me the ability to see my circumstances as "exciting" rather than "dire"...it's really exciting to live in God's providence.

"Fat"

4 weeks ago, Baby Caleb was described at "chubby", yesterday at 24 weeks and 5 days, he is described by the doc as "fat"!! And he was being so mischievious yesterday, the doc had hard time trying to take a good picture of his stomach to gauge his weight, and the reason is because he was really excited and kept moving! So amused to see him dancing in my belly :)

When the doc finally got a good pic, he took a measurement and announced that our Caleb is weighing about 700grams now....when he should be weighing about 600grams. Although a little overweight, the doc assured us there's not much to be concerned about as he is still not yet oversized. Hubby and I concluded it must be the cruise trip and all the sumptuous food that caused Caleb the increase in weight! haha...

But I was really glad to see that he is growing so well, and now I finally know why I'm feeling hungry all the time now! Yesterday's scan has also confirmed that the flutterings that I'm feeling is really Caleb's movement, and not just stomach gases :) The doc gave us a print out as usual, and this time it was one that captured his round and chubby face. During the last scan, we could see his chins and slightly chubby cheeks...this time, it's like a perfect circle...no more chin! Starting to look like mashmellow man...

Hopefully he doesn't get too big and I can deliver him naturally! Counting down to the last 15 weeks :)

A New Trimester

Started school again after about a month's break. This will be my last school trimester before Caleb arrives, and also my nearing my last trimester of pregnancy. This trimester is going to be fun (I think), as I've chosen to take Biblical Worship and Band Dynamics as my modules. Just went for the BD class yesterday and glad that there is no exams for this! Just 2 group projects with individual written reports...sounds manageable so far :) Keeping my fingers crossed that BW will also not be too heavy.

Baby Caleb is also growing well, and I'm feeling him more now although it still feels like bubbles and no distinct kicks yet...maybe I have too much fats around my stomach, that's why. I've noticed that he's more active whenever I'm eating...noticed it especially during my cruise trip. Don't feel him move so much except during meal times!

I'm getting more visibly pregnant now...and more people are starting to ask me "Are you pregnant?". But most of them think I still look quite small in my 6th month...which is totally fine with me :) I'm glad that at this stage, I still can "hide" my tummy :) Starting to feeling a little more clumsy now too...I'm starting to have difficulty bending over to wear my pants, bending over to adjust the car seat, and also changing gears when driving...although the baby bump is not too big yet, I'm already starting to feel that it's getting in the way...sometimes when I bend over, I wonder if I'm squashing poor Baby Caleb inside. Starting to feel more easily tired again these few days...and currently I'm teaching a course in church, and I feel breathless when I teach! But thank God for sustaining me.

Last 2 weeks have been nothing but blessings...a friend blessed us with a big ang pow, Hubby's colleage ius blessing us with a baby cot...we see God's providence every step of the way and we are thankful and excited at the same time.

For now, we're praying for God to continue to sustain us financially and also to bring a good domestic helper to us! Although I do wish to be a full time mummy, but for the moment it would be wiser and more economical for me to continue my part-time work arrangements and hire a helper to take care of Baby when I'm out working or studying or teaching piano, and most importantly....housework! We're also praying that God will give us grace to be good employers and help us get used to staying with another person in the house!

16 more weeks to go...hope the time quickly comes! I can't wait to meet our little boy face to face!

"Looks quite chubby"

That's how the sonographer described him during our detailed scan on monday. Was good to see him growing well and normally. Saw his lips and I thought they looked like Hubby's :) He looks like he has round chubby cheeks from the scan too! Of course Doc did give a disclaimer that babies grow at different rate, so he may be growing faster now and may taper off nearing birth. As of now, he weighs 390grams, that's about 30 grams heavier than the average weight of a 20 week old fetus. We figured that since daddy and mummy are both chubby, so will baby.

Since the scan, I've been feeling him move alot more...no distinct kicks or punches yet, but more flutterings. And now we no longer call him Baby, but by his name, Caleb. Feels a little weird at first, like getting to know someone all over again! Now I can start to prep myself to parent a BOY...already thinking of how I hope he will behave as he grows...

Call me traditional, but I really believe in treating boys and girls different...boys need to learn to be independent, responsible and gentlemanly, and of course how to take care of the family...cos God has called them to be the head of their household. As for girls, they need to behave like a lady should, have a gentle yet resilient character as God has called them to be submissive to their husbands and yet witty and capable of running their household.

But I know these are just my expectations, and that ultimately I will still need to adjust my parenting style to his unique character. For now, my hopes for him is that he will continue to grow and healthy within me and be born and lively and jolly baby. And as he grows, he will become like his name, to be bold and like the 2 spies who see God and not the giants of the Jerichos in his life.

Grow on Caleb! Looking forward to meeting you face-to-face in August :)

Mid-point!

Today marks an important milestone....I'm mid-way through my pregnancy at 20 weeks! Week 20 announced its arrival with pains in the abdomen....was feeling this tight and sore feeling since yesterday afternoon all the way till today, although it is getting better since morning. My abdominal muscles feels like they are stretched like a rubber band...got a little worried last night when I woke up to use the bathroom and felt the consistent pain. Did some reading up on the internet and found that the pains I have seemed quite normal, so thank God for that.

Have been feeling a little bit of quickening on and off...not too sure if it's Baby stomach gases though it feels more like gas. Looking forward to feel that definite jab by Baby in the next few days or weeks! Hubby/Daddy is also looking forward to feeling Baby and is jealous of the flutterings that I feel now. He's been talking to Baby almost everyday and asking it to move more.

Now I catch myself wondering (and asking Baby) what Baby is doing now...I wonder if Baby gets bored inside me since it's confined to such a small space. I wonder what Baby is thinking or dreaming of...I wonder how it keeps itself entertained, what makes it laugh or cry, or if its capable of having emotions yet. At times I wonder how baby will look like. But because I don't feel Baby's movement distinctly yet, sometimes I don't feel pregnant with a baby inside of me...except for the ever thickening waistline and diminishing choice of clothes left that I can still fit in. It's scary how one pants can fit nicely this week and can't be buttoned by the next!

Monday will be the detailed scan at TMC, looking forward to meeting Baby again! Hope it's an active and healthy baby! Regarding gender, friends have asked me if I wanted to know...and my reply is a definite yes!! Besides the practicality of buying the right clothes, I would want to get mentally prepared to mother a boy or girl cos I think I'll parent them quite differently. I'm guessing it's a boy from the way my stomach is showing....we'll see in a few days time :)

Yikes...

Watched a video on childbirth process...just like me to need to know how the process is like before I need to go through it. I really needed to know how something the size of a watermelon can come out from something the size of a grape...I'm amazed that it actually can...knowing it can and seeing how it's done is so different. Just hope my baby isn't traumatized when making it's way out!

Although it's still 5 months away...I am SO glad I don't have to watch myself giving birth! I wonder if baby will freak out when we show him a video of how he/she arrived into the world when he/she's older....I wonder...

Relief!

Just handed in my assignment today and I feel so relieved!! One more paper to write and I'm done with this school term! Looking forward to my 1 month break :)

Almost the nearing the end of my 2nd school term and I must say I pretty much enjoy studying...perhaps it's because I'm in a course that I enjoy. Learned alot about the Creative Arts and I'm thankful for the opportunity to broaden my horizon on this topic.

I'm also especially thankful to God for answering my prayers and giving me a smooth pregnancy so far...that I was able to cope with the pregnancy, work and studies. Also thankful for a supportive hubby who graciously allowed me to work part-time.

I'm believing that next semester will be also an enjoyable one as I'm taking 2 modules that are directly relevant to my service - Biblical Worship and Band Dynamics. Looking forward to the modules and hope that Baby is also looking forward to it!

Time flies and Baby is almost 18 weeks! I'm almost midway through the pregnancy. Looking forward to the detailed scan in April to determine if it's truly a boy...so far the doctor can only guess but can't be absolutely sure. I'm excited about having either a son or daughter, and I think it'll be fun either way :)

Starting to feel some random bubbly feeling in my tummy...maybe it's Baby moving? Wondering how it will be like to feel Baby move for the first time, seeing him/her for the first time, hearing him/her cry for the first time...so many things to imagine!

It's now nearing the end of March...August still seems so far away...but as many friends who are already mummies keep telling me..."the time will arrive before you even know it!"

Looking forward in anticipation :)

Forgetfulness

Been alot more forgetful lately....2 sundays ago, I forgot church started at 9am instead of 10am...last thursday I left my phone at home...the next day, I left my phone in office and was phone-less over the weekend. Goodness know what I'll forget next!

entering a new phase

It's finally the end of the first trimester! Baby's been growing well and steady and we thank God for that :)

Strangely though all the early pregnancy symptoms are starting to come back :( makes me wonder if I have to go through the same thing at the start of every new trimester...in fact I feel worse these days than in my first 12 weeks...appetite's been getting poorer too :( feels like my stomach just decided to go on strike and refuse to digest any food that I take in...last thursday was the worst...after a sandwich at breakfast around 10+am, I didn't eat anything else for the rest of the day. felt so indigested and constipated the whole day...

The feeling swings from indigestion pains to hunger pains...and when I eat a morsel...it swings back to indigestion again...absolutely NOT enjoying the feeling! Have been rather picky about my food too...been craving lots of fruits!! seems like they are the only things that I truly enjoy lately...else, I'll go for plain food..like plain rice without any side dishes, plain bee hoon...anything that doesn't have a taste. Somedays I just feel like going on a glucose drip so I don't have to eat! Other days I get hungry and try to eat something....and snack...and the indigested feeling come right back..

Today, I bought Saltine crackers (seems like this is what most preg women eat to feel better...) and multigrain bread...am attempting to live on a high fibre diet to make sure I move my bowels regularly and get rid of the constipated feeling in my stomach!

On a happy note, I'm glad to catch Heroes on Channel 5 in the afternoons lately :) And we're going on a cruise to Phuket and Langkawi in early May to celebrate our 2nd wedding anni! our last couple trip before the little one arrives....

8 weeks and 3 days...

That's how far I am now as of today. Went for my second gynea appointment and saw Baby for the second time. This time however the heart beat was not so obvious as the last time, perhaps cos Baby as grown more mass around the heart! But am glad to see that Baby as grown much since the last time we "met"...from a mere 0.37cm to 1.7cm today. Well done Baby! Continue to grow strong and active! EDD is 26 Aug (seems so far away....) 

Doc explained about Down Syndrome to us today as well, and told us the few options of tests that we may want to take to check if Baby has DS. But I think we will likely give the test a miss as come what may, we will still keep Baby. For now, it's just to cover Baby in our prayers and bless him/her daily!

I surfed the websites to read about the fetal development of Baby this week and is so excited to see the new things that are growing each week! Can't wait to see how much more Baby will grow the next time we visit the gynea :)

Really thank God that I still do not have the terrible morning sickness that many mommies experience. Mine is still mainly tiredness, sometimes fatigue, and the occasional surprise attacks of giddy spells. Ironically, I feel nauseous when I'm hungry, not after I eat. Cravings wise...nothing in particular except for sweet and cold drinks...which I'm trying to control. Been feeling hotter lately and quite uncomfortable! And I get aches all over too! Especially in my butt :( It hurts when I'm changing from a sitting or lying position to standing position and vice versa....sigh...feel like an old woman sometimes...because of this, I find my overall movements have slowed down...so that it's not so painful...

Told my doc about this and he said it's fine...and to "expect more pain in the days to come"...I'm not looking forward to that so much :s But for now, it's still a smooth pregnancy so far and I'm praying that it will continue to be so that I have the energy to work, teach piano and study! Although everything is part-time, but sometimes feels overwhelming when added up together. Doesn't help that I feel so tired these days...really need to rely on God's strength to see me through!

May His strength continue to uphold me in this journey!

New year...new milestone

2009 will be an eventful year! And the highlight will be in August when we welcome a new member into our family, Baby C Tan. We discovered on 21st Dec and saw our little one for the first time on 2 Jan. Looks like a little shrimp on the scan, but I was so amused to see the heart beating furiously already at such an early stage.

Of course, the Doc gave us a print out of the scan which documents the size...Baby is a mere 0.37cm at 7 weeks (according to the Doc)...looked at the internet and saw that Baby is half the size of the average 7 week old fetus, but then again, the disparity may be because most websites document the averages of caucasian pregnancies, and asian babies are generally smaller? In anycase, going back to see the Doc next saturday, hope to see Baby grow much bigger by then!

Strangely, I'm not as elated or as excited as I thought I'll be...but feeling rather matter-of-fact about it...instead, what I find myself focusing on now is being a good example to my Baby. I believe that Baby is now very much alive in me and can feel any thougths and emotions that I have...so now I try to keep myself positive and happy, and try to develope good habits. Talk to Baby everyday too to ask for his/her cooperation in terms of food, trying to convince him/her that whatever mummy is eating is nice and so there's no reason to puke it out. So far, Baby has been very cooperative...i think at a young age, he/she is already learning to appreciate food in all its variety!!

Really thank God that I do not have morning sickness so far, and most food are tolerable as long as I don't eat too much of anything. My appetite has decreased though, and I get full more easily now (which I'm happy about :D ). Don't have specific cravings, but now I find myself imaginig what I want to eat before each meal...haha...an unfulfilled craving so far is Subway :)

The main pregnancy symptom I'm getting so far is SLEEPINESS...I'm sleeping so much now!! I can go to bed at 12, wake up at 11am and take an afternoon nap at 12:30noon again...feel like a bear going through hibernation or something! And what's worse is that after all the sleep, I still feel tired. Been having busy dreams when I sleep too, and finding it a little harder to fall asleep at night. Have been experience pain in my lower back and buttocks too...which my Doc tells me "there's more to come"...

Right now, guess I'm just enjoying the journey...and praying that the remaining 8 months will continue to be enjoyable :)

A Christmas random post...

Returned from Sarawak last week and fell sick for 3 days! Had a low-grade fever that didn't really subside so I got abit worried and thought it was dengue. But thank God I am fine now, Doc said that it was probably because I fell ill right before my trip and did not have an opportunity to recover well, so my viral infection was not completely healed. But I'm fine now :)

Thank God for a successful preformance at Orchard on sunday! although there were a few hiccups, but I would say it's a good show overall, considering the short notice we had! The next 2 shows will be on Christmas Eve (tonight!) and Christmas day...am hoping and believing it will be even better since we are doing it at home ground and with the full backdrop and props. Praying for a successful and fruitful event these 2 nights!

I'm glad it's Christmas again, and this Christmas holds a very special meaning for us :)

On a lighter note...

8 more days to our long awaited trip! We're so so looking forward to it :) Please pray with us for a safe and enjoyable trip! My prayer requests:

1. Safe journey in air and on the roads
2. Safety at the hotel we are staying in
3. Safety when we are touring the city
4. Good weather
5. Protection from any possible food or liquid contamination
6. Protection from any air-borne or contagious diseases
7. Good fun and time of relaxation!

Haha...think the recent incident is really getting into me...but still best to not take anything for granted!

On the recent tragedy....

First Singaporean to fall victim to acts of terrorism...it's tragic. Life is so unpredictable isn't it? Been browsing through come articles regarding this matter and the comments that other readers left...indeed our world is not what it used to be.

Yesterday I was just seeing a documentary about US security, how they build all those secret hiding places for the US government officials in the event of nuclear attacks. The documentary featured a former "hiding place" that was elaborately designed in terms of safety. Now they abandoned that place because it's location was leaked out. It's really awesome how such elaborate care is given to ensure the safety of the top people in the US.

But what struck me more deeply was something the narrator said...he narrated that in the past, in the early days of USA, the president could walk on the streets by himself, unaccompanied by bodyguards. Now, even with heavy security and bodyguards, the safety of the top US officials may not be guaranteed. It has become such an unsafe place.

I think the scary thing about terrorists is that you never know what they are planning to do, who they are targetting at and when they will strike. It's also scary to know that they are not a group of backward, uneducated barbarians, but have proven to be great strategists with high intelligence, some of which are even highly educated. And the most scary thing is that they do not seem to fear death...they are so passionate about what they do and are willing to give up their lives for their cause.

Perhaps it will take an equally passionate opposition force with the same "fight you till death" mentality to counter them, which up to today I'm not sure if anyone can match them in this aspect. Very scary...

Well, I guess the message is not to take safety for granted...even in the seemingly safe Singapore. I think undoubtedly God's hand of protection is over Singapore, to enjoy the safety we have now. May His blood covering continue to be upon Singapore and keep us safe in His hands!

Exams are OVER!!!

Yes!! The exams are finally over! There's really a difference in this exams than my previous experiences...firstly, I'm not as stressed as when I was schooling cos I wasn't meeting the expectations of others, this time, this course of studies is one I embarked on my own will. No one to be accountable to for results, except God and myself. Probably also because I older now that I value the process more than the results...unlike schooldays which failure or poor grades means doom, this time round, the results are not nearly as important as what I've gained from going through the course. Of course I still hope for good grades!!

Not sure when the results will be out...but right now, I can relax for awhile as it's the term break! Yay!! No more night classes!!

Now gearing up and saving up for the next semester, which I think will be fun cos I'll be in the same class as Hubby for one of the modules...haha...

now it's time to get busy for church musical! busy busy days ahead are expected...but I think it's gonna be fun. Looking forward to our mini 2nd honeymoon to Sarawak! So so looking forward to the break! Excited too cos it'll be the first time Hubby and I are travelling by PLANE on our own...haha...mission trip not counted lah cos got one big group of friends who we went with...and all our other trips are by boat or bus...

Counting down...21 more days to go...yippee!!

Series of "politics" recently...

Somehow, recently I started to encounter episodes of "office politics" one after another... sometimes it makes me wonder why are we all here for? Maybe I'm realising it a little late... but I'm learning that even in a helping profession, people still work for recognition. True, no doubt they are concerned about the beneficiaries, but sometimes certain actions speaks of a greater motivation than merely helping....to perform!

I'm wondering is it because I'm now stepped down as HOD, and no longer in a managerial position....I didn't use to get all these from them, but my team did...now I've descended to the level of non-manager, I'm starting to get it...

It's been an experience...I was really upset for awhile today...but it later turned into puzzlement...i'm puzzled about why some people act the way they do...don't they realise that others around them don't like the way they are acting? Bossy, pushy...either they don't realise it or they just don't care....

Simply put, I think either their EQ is really low, or they don't really care about building a constructive relationship in the office context...or they are playing politics lor...cos when I was still a manager...and my "ranking" is higher, I didn't get all these lor....

Sigh...silly office games....now we just look at it this way: just get over it and laugh!