2 months

Tomorrow marks the end of our 2nd month of marriage. Looking at our DVD of our actual day, it still feels very surreal. Besides feeling like it was a dream, I really have no vivid recollection of what happened that day...it's just all very dreamlike, very unreal.

Guess I've gotten used to staying together with Hubby now, it was much easier than I thought! For one, being the light sleeper that I am, I thought I wouldn't get use to having someone sleep beside me. But it wasn't that bad...I sort of adapted to that almost immediately.

But I must admit that I do feel much more tired than before, there just seems to be so much more responsibilities now that I'm someone's wife! Many things I know Hun does not expect of me, or at least not explicitly, but I feel obligated to do it. For example, whenever we are not out shopping (for groceries and household items!) or visiting parents, whenever we both knock off on time to go back home for dinner, I would very much like to cook...just so that we both can enjoy a nutritious meal.

Hun shares in the household chores and he does a very good job at keeping things neat and tidy, which I'm thankful for. I'm the one in-charge of keeping things clean. Tho he helps out, but I feel that the responsibility lies on my shoulder, while Hun is my helper. Maybe that's why I feel so tired all the time. Must take good care of the house and of hubby...and my work.

Don't know if Hun feels tired, maybe guys are just wired differently. Perhaps he thinks that I'm a grown up and can take care of myself well, so he doesn't need to worry about me. But maybe a wife is just different lah...the hubby is also a grown up and can take care of himself, but wife will always see that he can't! haha...maternal instincts? hmm...

Maybe I feel that I no longer have time for myself. Or maybe I don't know what to do if I have time for myself. Other than the 4 days of MC I took since we got married, monday was perhaps that first time I had time for myself. I took leave as I knew I would be exhausted from the overnight 30km walk friday through saturday, followed by 2 consecutive housewarming party on sunday.

What did I do? Did the laundry ( it has become one of my favourite chore...never seem to be an end to washing!!)...completed my Condor Hero and took a nap. I had planned to iron Hun's clothes for the week...but clean forgotten about it! Perhaps I was just too tired..haha..

Just so many things on my mind...and endless list of household responsibilities that just keeps repeating itself week after week. Then I had a realization that perhaps this is it: I'm not living just for myself anymore! I'm sharing a life with someone...not just a house or a home, but my life. Everything about me may have to adjust to accomodate Hun in my life.

No, I'm not complaining...but these little realizations help me cope better. Perhaps I was really not prepared for marriage, but then again I do not think anyone can be fully prepared for it anyway. I'm learning along the way. Someone once said that a marriage brings out the best and the worst in the person, and I totally believe it to be true! I have surprised myself these 2 months about my abilities to cope as a wife...I've probably done more housework these 2 months than I had in the last 2 years! As for the worst, I don't know...will have to leave Hun to provide the feedback for me...haha...

All I can say is that it's a learning journey...and I think it's preparing me to face the next challenge...when our first children (I'm hoping to have twins when we do conceive! hehe) come along...maybe all these coping with lesser time for myself is good practice when the children coming popping out...by then I think we REALLY will have no time for ourselves.

All in all, marriage has been anything but what I imagined it to be...not as fairytale, as happily-ever-after as I thought it would be. On the contrary, it's very down to earth and very real. It's not sweet like the courtship days, but it's blissful because we're a family now...not just 2 separate persons in love, but 1 family. Blissful, that's how I would describe our life now :)